ECLIPSE: Chapter 8-Temper

CHAPTER SUMMARY: This horrible series gets even MORE horrible. Bella and Jacob talk, Bella sees Edward and isn't mad at him any more and I'm STILL BORED.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella and Jacob wind up at the beach because Meyer is that unimaginative and Jacob is already a jerk and I'm wondering why Bella even went with him if she knew she was going to be ticked off at him for every little thing he did. Seriously, after saying they are at the beach she immediately mentions that he was full of himself and then a few sentences later she gets irritated again after a comment about Charlie liking him more:

Charlie's blatant preference for my Quileute friends was so unfair. I wondered if he would feel the same if he knew the choice was really between vampires and werewolves.
From Eclipse, Chapter 8

First, Charlie has every right to prefer them over the Cullens because as far as he knows, Jacob and his friends haven't put you in danger and Jacob didn't BREAK YOUR HEART AND LEAVE YOU COMOTOSE you utter brat. Second, why do you think he'll automatically choose the Cullens if he knew about what creatures they were? Vampires are just as dangerous as werewolves you idiot, in fact I think they would be MORE dangerous then werewolves so this comment is beyond stupid. Also, I don't see how it's unfair of Charlie when you clearly have a double standard that favors the Cullens so don't go whining about how CHARLIE is being the unfair one you hypocrite.
Well, Bella asks how the pack is doing and Jacob goes silent. Oh, something good went down. Turns out Quil imprinted. Which is three...plus Jacob later on which makes four. Meyer is breaking her own rules yet again just because it's convenient for her. Sigh.
Anyway, that isn't the big thing though. The girl Quil imprinted on? Emily's niece who is a TWO YEAR OLD. No, that is not a typo, he imprinted on a freaking TWO YEAR OLD. Just...process that for a minute will you? I'll wait because I'm still processing this and wondering how the hell people who read this series are a)still going around saying these books are so wonderful, and b)saying there's nothing wrong with this at all. Because on all those Twilight sites I've yet to see anyone out right state this is wrong. Some have even cooed about how sweet it is that Quil will wait for her to grow up. Just...WHAT? Now, if some sites have said so and I missed it, I apologize to you and say kudos because you appear to be the minority in the fandom.
This imprinting business stank enough when the girl (please also note, it's always a GIRL. No gay people seem to exist in this series) was adult and didn't get a say in the matter. Now Meyer is inflicting this on a TWO YEAR OLD. But, Jacob insists we shouldn't judge. Okay, yeah, I try not to judge people because what they do in their private lives is their business. But I will however judge Meyer because she is the one who is a) writing this, b) seems to see nothing wrong with the implications of this, and c) is telling other people, particularly young people, that this is perfectly acceptable.
For those who go on about how the girl does have a choice in the imprinting thing, um...no she actually doesn't as the guy is going to be constantly around reminding her of the issue and then there's this lovely thing that Jacob says after Bella asks if Claire gets a choice in the matter:

"Of course. But why wouldn't she choose him, in the end? He'll be her perfect match. Like he was designed for her alone."
From Eclipse, Chapter 8

So yeah she gets the ILLUSION of choice but she'd be silly not to accept him and it's pretty clear to me that the pack will probably be telling her this as she's growing up. So really, it's not a choice for her and really not even a choice for Quil because I'm sure if given the chance he would prefer not to imprint and shackle himself to a TWO YEAR OLD. Just...God. I have to move on because this just boggles my mind too much.
Disturbing topic is treated like it's nothing though and Jacob and Bella quickly move on (for the movie's sake I hope they skip this part altogether but I have a feeling they won't). They talk and then drive their motorcycles (Bella's magically resurfaced on the beach somehow I guess) and then talk in the garage. Bella whines about Charlie and I'm getting a little sick of this bashing Charlie nonsense. All of a sudden Charlie is this guy who gets worked up about everything when in the previous books he actually seemed rather mellow to me. It's like his character did a complete one eighty. I know exactly who to blame: Meyer. She wanted Charlie to be the bad guy in this so she completely changed his character despite evidence in the other books that implies he's actually not this way. Sloppy writing yet again.
Conversation eventually turns to Edward yet again. They argue about it, yet again (this is what, second or third time? Find something new Meyer), and Jacob loses his temper (thus chapter title) yet again. He then says he'd rather see Bella dead then a vampire...Except when she's a vampire she technically IS dead...never mind. This greatly upsets her and she drives off back to her kidnappers-I mean, the Cullens.
She briefly talks to Alice and then goes up to see Edward and what do you know, she's not mad at him after all. Sigh. Meyer just can't write any sort of conflict between these two can she? Even though by all rights, there should be TONS of conflict. But conflict would imply their relationship isn't perfect (and thus NORMAL). It would also invite character growth and these characters are so perfect they don't NEED to change! Hah. Double Hah.
So instead of the much needed confrontation, Bella automatically forgives and they have a make-out session instead. Gag me. For some reason, Bella is miffed about the bed, I have no clue why. Then we once again get the "I want sex! No, Bella sex is too dangerous and since I'm such a gentleman I'm going to say no." Seriously Meyer, GET NEW SCENES. Also? A much better way of doing this is in the book Rampant by Diane Peterfreund. Giovanni was a much better gentleman about the sex thing then Edward ever was in these books. Granted, he had personal issues about it but still I got the sense he actually respected Astrid whereas here what I get is "You're a silly woman so I have to be a big strong man and protect you from your demon ways".
Then there's this stupid thing:

"I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days-and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."
From Eclipse, Chapter 8

Wow, this a perfectly mature relationship. They should totally get married.
Then there's stupid apologizing and asking of the why should you be apologizing, I should be apolozing. Then what really kills me is that Bella seems to think EDWARD should be angry at HER. Um...WHAT? No, no, NO. This just...NO. EDWARD had YOU kidnapped you stupid bint! Why should you be worried about whether or not he's angry at you FOR RUNNING AWAY? Just...UGH.
But magically, Edward is okay with it and since he's the "perfect boyfriend" he's not going to yell. Never mind that he has no right to yell but whatever. It's so sweet that he's not mad, right? So all is forgiven and she cries to him about what a meanie Jacob was to her. Then for some reason Bella brings up the Denali family and Tanya...why is she even worried about this? So some vampire girl expressed interest? So? It's obvious it went no where so why do you even care? I don't know why it was brought up either because the conversation was dropped as soon as it was started in favor of snuggling and going to sleep in each other's arms, thus ending this very disturbing chapter.

WORD LIST: cavernous
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Jacob was probably right, and that made me grind my teeth together.-Is it me or does Bella do this a LOT in this book? Seriously, so far she's mashed her teeth, ground her teeth, pursed her teeth and so on in about every chapter of this book. It's a wonder she doesn't suffer from tooth decay with all the teeth grinding she's doing.
He's seventeen, Jacob. And I get closer to nineteen every day.-Still doing the ageism thing I see and will you PLEASE stop trying to make Bella out to be the pedophile in this? For the last time, EDWARD IS OLDER THEN HER. Therefore HE is the pedophile.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 7-Unhappy Ending

CHAPTER SUMMARY: We finally learn more about Roselie and like everything else in Twilight, it's clear that Meyer did no research, there is no developement, and I'm seriously bored. Can I skip ahead to Chapter seventeen when the action starts?

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So for the first time in this book I was looking forward to a chapter because I have been rather curious about Roselie and why she hates being a vampire. As always though, Meyer greatly disappoints because she didn't do research, she tells and doesn't show, and Roselie sounds like a robot when recounting her life story. So this chapter ends up being as dull as all the others. Sigh.
Roselie asks if they can talk and then worries about Bella's feelings which is odd because she's never worried before and then like a robot proceeds to tell her life story. Even the good guys monologue in this series. Awful convenient no? It saves Bella from having the trouble of figuring it out herself or letting the reader piece it together themselves and that's way to much work. But anyway, lets move on to the exciting life of Roselie.
Roselie it turns out lived during 1933 during the depression. Yet somehow her family was a) well off middle class folks and b) her dad had a STABLE JOB AT THE BANK. Um...Meyer? READ A HISTORY BOOK. Bankers were some of the worst people hit during the depression or did you miss the fact that the banks were BROKE? Therefore, they couldn't pay people much less have the money to pay bankers. Also, you know who was hit the hardest during the depression? THE MIDDLE CLASS, it wasn't just the poor. Apparently you slept through history class as well as english class.
But heaven forbid someone as beautiful as Roselie be desitute or struggle for a living, you know? That would be realistic! So her family is well off even though it makes no sense. Sigh. It's even worse because Roselie wasn't even troubled by the depression and her father made it seem like the people brought it on themselves. So her father was quite the ass apparently and didn't read the papers.
Roselie was of course the favorite in the family (beauty, you know) and her family were all silly social climbers. Poor Roselie had beautiful dresses, men falling at her feet, in short her life was horrible. God, so she was a whiny Bella, but in the nineteen thirties? UGH.
But her life wasn't rosy because you see she didn't have a child. Her friend had one and so she wanted one, it just wasn't fair. Her telling is then inturrupted by this idiotic inner rambling from Bella:

It was hard for me to imagine the world that Roselie had known. Her story sounded more like a fairy tale than history to me. With slight shock, I realized that this was very close to the world that Edward would have experienced when he was human, the world he had grown up in. I wondered-while Roselie sat silent for a moment-if my world seemed as baffling to him as Roselie's did to me?
From Eclipse, Chapter 7

First Bella, you clearly have no imagination or paid attention in history. Picturing this actually isn't very hard. Second, why are you even thinking about how hard it must be for EDWARD? He is not even a freaking part of this tale. Third, his situation is in no way like you imagining it because um, HE SAW THE WORLD CHANGE. Fourth, you are just NOW THINKING ABOUT THIS? You've known since the beginning how old Edward was! God, you are slow.
Roselie continues and somehow a royal family gets involved in this and they are uncreatively called the Kings. Roselie of course gets set up with the son (who naturally falls for her at first sight) and they are engaged to marry. Where am I supposed to feel sorry for her exactly? Well, it starts when Roselie tells us that she notices her beau doesn't have much affection for her. Poor thing. Then she runs into him and his friends who are all drunk and gets raped. Meyer naturally doesn't go into the details and for once I thank her for that. Rape is horrible enough.
Naturally though, Carlisle magically finds her and saves her. She is not grateful. When she is turned she kills her attackers and that's the end of how Roselie became a vamp.
Then we learn that Roselie was jealous of Bella because Edward wanted her and not Roselie. But it's not because she has a thing for Edward it's just that she was irritated that Edward never showed an interest in her. Just...UGH. First, once again no one doesn't like Bella just because of her herself. It's to do with a petty jealousy. Second, this whole thing just makes Roselie seem MORE petty and silly as opposed to Bella which I'm sure was Meyer's intention because she probably noticed people in the fandom liking Roselie more then her precious Mary Sue and we can't have that so we destroy what little we've seen of Roselie's personality and just make her into the stereotypical jealous female. Oh, and more sexist junk for the fact that Roselie is naturally baby-obsessed. She can't have a baby now so she's horribly depressed because you know that's all women need is to have a baby and a husband.
Even creepier? After Roselie tells Bella what an idiot she is for throwing her humanity (aka her ability to have children) away, she mentions that she saved Emmett and that he reminded her of the baby her friend had! Just...what? The implications of this are just...wrong. But of course, it's "true love" so naturally it's okay. All of this revealing back story doesn't really do anything though because Bella is already so focused on being a vampire she basically ignores Roselie's advice.
Bad transition and Bella and Alice go to school. Mike is there and he ASKS Bella out! Just...WHAT? Meyer, could you make this boy any more pathetic? He KNOWS Bella and Edward are going out. I was under the impression that he was OVER Bella by now after the horrible way she and Jacob treated him at the movies in New Moon. But no, he asks her out. You really need to give men a better rep then this Meyer.
But Jacob shows up in the nick of time on his bike and she jumps on his bike and they go, thus cutting school. Yes, Bella is a wonderful role model. Chapter ends with them driving away.

WORD LIST:none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: "Did Edward ever tell you what led to this?" she asked, gesturing to her glorious immortal body.-Okay Meyer, we get it, the Cullens are hot and Roselie is so ungrateful for not appreciating living forever.
She looked up at me and smiled; it was a harsh, bitter-but still stunning-expression.-First, how can a harsh and bitter expression be stunning? Second, WE GET IT. MOVE ON.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 6-Switzerland

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella argues with Edward and then gets kidnapped by Alice so she can't see Jacob. This series gets more despicable by every chapter.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella driving back from La Push, processing all the stuff Jacob has told her:

I was thinking about the flood of information Jacob had shared with me, trying to sort it out, to force it to make sense.
From Eclipse, Chapter 6

See, even Bella admits the stuff Meyer put in doesn't make sense. It's probably a bad sign when your main character points out your flaws. Then Edward (or his scary volvo) shows up and not wanting to have a arguement with him, she goes over to Angela's to avoid him. How is it that no one sees the problem with this? That all the people touting this relationship as wonderfully healthy don't seem to find an issue that this girl is afraid to argue with her boyfriend? All over the fact that she went to visit a friend? This reeks of controlling boyfriend.
So Bella goes to Angela's place in order to help her with the oh so hard task of addressing grad invites. There are very cute moments between Angela and Ben. I'm sorry, this couple is ten times more adorable and believable then Bella and Edward's epic "true love". We learn a little about Angela finally: she has twin siblings. How sad is it that we don't learn this till BOOK THREE of this series? I mean, isn't Angela supposedly one of Bella's good friends? You would think we would have known this beforehand. But no, little things like that don't matter in this series because it's quickly pulled back to Edward and Bella when Angela asks after Edward. This could have been a nice bonding moment with character developement and we could see why these two are friends, but no. Meyer has to make this book all about Edward and Bella. Sigh.
Long story short, Bella mentions Edward's behavior and Angela rightfully comes to the conclusion that Edward is jealous. But Bella is shocked. Edward can't be JEALOUS! That's so...NORMAL. As we all know, normal is a dirty word in this series and Edward isn't anything but the perfect guy and perfect guys don't get jealous. Excuse me while I hit my head.
We then learn Angela and Ben have gotten into the University of Washington (yay for them, not giving up on college, even if it's terribly unrealistic that the two of them are both a)Still going out by then and b)Both got into the same college). Then we learn that Bella is thinking about going to the University of Alaska as her cover. Um...okay. Rather sudden, but whatever.
Ben comes back and of course he's seen an action movie because that's all guys watch (more gender stereotyping please Meyer, it's not like you haven't done enough already). Bella goes home, random conversation with Charlie, and goes to her room and sure enough stalker boy, I mean, Edward is there. He is ticked that Bella didn't listen to him like she should have and I will say I'm happy that Bella is standing up to him for a change but she still has yet to call him on his controlling behavior (nor does she dump him on the spot which is what most people would have done), hell she even apologizes for making him worry. She shouldn't have to apologize for going to see a friend. Then she asks if he's jealous and he of course denies it and Bella feels silly for implying he's normal. Ugh. Then Bella says she is Switzerland (hence the name of the chapter) and is neutral. Except this isn't accurate because she clearly is on the side of the vampires, she takes their side all the time and clearly thinks they are superior. But whatever.
Bad time transition and then Edward goes off hunting. Bella makes plans to see Jacob but they are intercepted by Alice kidnapping her. Yes, seriously. Edward paid her off by giving her a shiny new car (that's like what, car twenty that these guys have?) and even worse, it's not just this time, he expects Alice to do it EVERY TIME HE'S GONE. This is the relationship that people are saying is perfect? This is what relationship thereapists would call red flags.
But since she's having a good time, Bella doesn't protest. She stays over at the Cullens with all the girls and they do all the girly things. Have pedicures, watch movies (girly romances no doubt), have Italian food. So it's not that bad. Except for the you know, BEING HELD AGAINST YOUR WILL BY YOUR BOYFRIEND. I swear, everytime I think this series can't get more wrong, it does. She calls Jacob to cancel and he's rightfully angry about it, more so then she is which I have to say is sad.
She goes into Edward's room and aw, isn't that sweet? He bought a bed for her! What a gentleman making sure his prisoner is comfortable. Of course, since it's Edward, the bed is in perfect taste. Bella gets ready for bed and there's a knock on the door and it's Roselie asking to come in. Chapter ends and I think this is the first time in this book that I've actually felt some intrigue at all.

WORD LIST: acidic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I wasn't paying much attention to the road that shimmered wetly in the sun.-If you're not paying much attention to it, why are you putting in the detail then?
Would these new headlines be my fault?-What? How is a vampire menace running around Seattle even REMOTELY Bella's fault? I know we learn later on that it's Victoria doing it, but Bella doesn't know this at the time so this is a stupid comment. But I keep forgetting, everything in this world revolves around Bella.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 5-Imprint

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Jacob explains imprinting to Bella and this series gets even more ridiculous. I didn't think it was possible, but it does.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So more boring conversation continues from last chapter. Yay. Bella actually asks how he and the rest of the pack are doing. It seems they are taking wonderfully to the whole being a werewolf thing. Quil, in fact loves it. Um...I'm sorry, this is like a complete turnaround from New Moon, isn't it? Most of them were acting like it's this big burden. but now, no it's apprarently only Jacob and Sam who were having the issue about it. Great. Once again, Meyer completely ignores what she's written before. Bella asks about Sam and we get this confusion:

"That's a long story."
"I told you a long story.
From Eclipse, Chapter 5

Huh? When did she tell Jacob a long story? All she did was talk about how perfect she and Edward were for each other and Jacob couldn't possibly get it? Did I miss something? Apparently. But whatever, this is the perfect excuse for Meyer to introduce us to Sam's backstory. She does so (but not before yet another pointed conversation about how Edward is far superior to Jacob because you know, he's MATURE about wanting to kill Jacob, whereas Jake is just being an ass because he makes no secret of it. Once more, double standard for vampires vs. werewolves). Anyway, we learn that Sam was the first to change.
He of course had it much worse because he had to figure it out on his own. We also learn that when he changed, he was dating Leah Clearwater to which Bella is shocked about. Wow, people date before they find their true love?! People obviously as in love as she and Edward are didn't find each other right away?! How shocking and unromantic. Sorry, but that's seriously what she makes it out to be.
This, then also brings up the imprinting subject. You see, werewolves have a soulmate. The minute these guys see their soulmate, all bets are off, this is the one for them. Never mind if the other person doesn't feel the same. Never mind if they are INVOLVED with someone at the time. They see them, that's it. Makes a whole lot of sense, doesn't it? Except...it doesn't. Especially seeing as how Jacob goes on to say it's an exception to the rule, yet later in the series practically the whole damn pack finds soulmates. Lets not even go into how illogical and unfair the imprinting part is to the woman the werewolf imprints on.
I want to go into why I detest the Sam/Emily/Leah thing. Number one thing? Emily and Leah are cousins and supposedly best friends when all this went down. Sam as I said, is dating Leah at the time. She was super worried about his transformation and helping him through it and they were evidently working out. But the minute he sees Emily? Boom. Forgets about her and is completely besotted. What does Emily do in return? Loves him back! Some best friend, huh? Now there is some rot about her supposedly not having a choice in the matter, um...YES SHE DID. She could have stayed away from him. But no. She gives in, they're getting married, and she has the nerve to have Leah be her bridesmaid and everyone is going on about how Leah is being such a good sport about all this! Just...WHAT?
Oh, and somewhere between all this, Bella learns that Jacob now is not aging. Some crap about him now being physically 25...what? Putting that idiocy aside, there's this lovely rant:

"Am I the only one who has to get old? I get older every stinking day!" I nearly shrieked., throwing my hands in the air. Some little part of me recognized that I was throwing a Charlie-esque fit, but that rational part was greatly overshadowed by the irrational part. "Damn it! What kind of world is this? Where's the justice?"
From Eclipse, Chapter 5

Well first, I'm glad at least Bella KNOWS she's being stupid. But that's undermined by the Charlie insult. I'm sorry, since when does CHARLIE have fits? Non-legit fits like the one you're throwing you utter BRAT? Second, I feel your pain. Really I do. How awful for you to AGE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Must be tough. God, not only is this series sexist, anti-feminist, and slightly racist, it's agist as well. Lovely. Third, Bella, how about feeling some sympathy for Jacob? He's probably not particularly thrilled with not aging because he's not age-obsessed like you are. But you're so damn selfish I bet you didn't think of that.
Needless to say, I kind of loathed this chapter. It had everything I hate about this series: ignorant bigotry, illogical things that border on stupid, selfish and bratty Bella, "true love trumps all other love, deal with it", women don't get a choice in the matter; it's just the way things are, being old sucks! Just, UGH. Hated chapter comes to an end with Bella promising to visit again.

WORD LIST: none that I could see
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Imprinting-MAKES NO SENSE. It also reeks of "man choose woman, woman must take man even if she doesn't want too".
Sam and Emily and the utter WRONGNESS of the whole situation, yet Meyer keeps saying it's okay because they are "soulmates". Even though it's not exactly Emily's choice.
How can a body rapidly and physically change to age twenty-five? Yet still be sixteen? This makes NO SENSE.
Bella. Jacob. Nuff said.
Yet more "Edward is perfect" from Bella and her double standard concerning vampires vs werewolves
The nerve of BELLA snickering at the thought of "love at first sight", yet who was it that fell for Edward in like a week?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 4-Nature

CHAPTER SUMMARY: This chapter is pretty pointless to be honest. Lots of non-subtle symbolism, Bella and Jacob talk and she proves that she really doesn't know Edward at all. Nothing new is revealed, I want to know why this was made into a whole chapter.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We start off with Bella whining about her bad week. Or she calls it a bad week. I call it her whining because she doesn't get her way again. You see it's bad because now she knows Victoria is out there (even though she knew before, but now she KNOWS, you know?) and the meanie Cullens won't turn her into a vampire even though she obviously needs to be one because she's a pathetic human. Oh, and now Edward is off hunting so she's left alone on top of this misfortune. Give me a break, THIS is a bad week? Oh, and in case we start to think Bella has actually grown a backbone, she says she has abandenment nightmares when Edward is away but since she's so "selfless" she doesn't tell Edward this. Oh, and he leaves corny love notes when he leaves apparently.
Then in an obvious attempt at symbolism, Bella is messing with magnets for some wierd reason and trying to get them to connect. See, in case any of you are slow, the magnets represent the vampires and werewolves and Bella's internal struggle to get them to get along. So basically, Meyer/Bella is telling us that there's a conflict going on between the wolves and vampires and Bella is frustrated by this. Umm...we KNOW this already! Pointless symbolism is pointless. Just get on with it.
Then we have more pointlessness as Bella goes to her store (I love how she goes on about how Mrs. Newton is the last person you would buy hiking equipment from when Bella herself knows next to nothing about the equipment either so it's not like she's much better and quite frankly has she ever talked to the woman? I bet she knows more about it then Bella does having been around the Forks area much longer then she has). There is obvious foreshadow about dangerous going ons in Seattle (um...gee you think? It's a large city, of course there's danger. That's like saying don't go to New York City because there's murders there). Now, where have I seen this type of foreshadow before? Oh yes, NEW MOON and TWILIGHT. Seriously! It's the same damn thing! Can't Meyer come up with something different?
Bella gets to leave and decides at the spur of the moment to see Jacob. She assumes Alice can't see her doing this because it's a snap decision! Because snap decisions are totally different from other decisions! Just...WHAT? Really Meyer, this is reaching even for YOU. Decisions are decisions, it doesn't matter if they are spontaneous or not. If Alice apparently sees decisions then she should be able to see this one because Bella is DECIDING SOMETHING. Good lord.
Somewhat cute reunion between Jacob and Bella but it's quickly diminished by Jacob's "I am a complete ass about vampires" mode. Jacob starts pointing out things about Edward and Bella certainly doesn't like the implications that he's not perfect and their relationship isn't completely wonderful. I'm serious, she gets defensive everytime someone even implies that maybe there are issues here she needs to think about.
They then talk about stuff we already know and I'm bored already. We don't need Jacob's version of what happened in the woods, Meyer because it doesn't reveal anything new. If it did, then okay, but it doesn't so it's once again pointless dialogue. The thing about why Sam feels betrayed is also pretty obvious to everyone who is not Bella Swan so it's also pointless. The nature symbolism is also pointless and obviously just so you can make Jacob seem like a bigoted jerk.
It then turns to Jacob questioning why Bella even loves Edward. Now, most relationships, you can name reasons why. You get along well, you have similar interests, he makes you laugh, etc. But Bella I notice can't do that. Personally, I think Jacob is right on the money when he says it's looks. But you know Bella can't possibly be that shallow so she goes on into this ridiculous spiel:

"I love him. Not because he's beautiful or because he's rich!" I spat the word at Jacob. "I'd much rather he weren't either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit-because he'd still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I'd ever met."
From Eclipse, Chapter 4

There are several things wrong with this. First, there is very clearly a inferiority feeling going on here. In true love, I would think there wouldn't be an inferiority complex. Second, Bella obviously doesn't really know Edward at all. These are just what she THINKS he's like. Because loving? I've seen very little instance of him being loving. Yeah sure, romantic overtures to her. But how about to his other family mothers? Or anyone that's NOT her? Unselfish? Um...he admitted in Twilight that pursuing Bella was selfish of him. Not just to him, but to the Cullens as well and to Bella because look at whats happened to her since they've gotten together. I personally think he's VERY selfish and she's not much better. Brilliant...that's Bella's opinion again, I've seen very little instance of it and that's not really much of a reason to love a person. Decent...to Bella and the Cullens maybe but I've seen little instances of him being decent elsewhere. He's cold to the people at school. He was cold to Jacob even BEFORE the werewolf thing (remember how he belittled him when Bella confessed to flirting with him in Twilight?) and I have to wonder what Bella's definition of decent is.
Now reading this I'm starting to think Bella isn't really in love with Edward himself, she's in love with the IDEAL Edward that she's made up. See, she's made up her mind at the beginning that Edward is perfect, the perfect boyfriend and the one she should be with. Her tunnel vision clearly points to this perfect relationship that she is convinced the two of them have. Heaven help you if you say otherwise. Now, a better writer would have realized this and handled it accordingly. But Meyer also has placed Edward on this pedestal so therein lays the problem and why Bella never realizes that there are issues.
Whatever though, boring conversation ends with Bella accusing Jacob of not being human either and some rot about Jacob being a part of her. God, move on with it already.

WORD LIST: Succinct
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: This whole boring chapter could have been squashed into the next chapter or cut out all together.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 3-Motives

CHAPTER SUMMARY: In which we see nothing of the Florida trip, Edward and Jacob are in caveman mode and the sexism gets worse in this book.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
You know, I was kind of hopeful about the Florida trip? I thought "wow, maybe there'll be great insight to Renee's character and we'll start seeing why Bella is the way she is." Plus I was interested in seeing how Edward would have handled the sun aspect of Florida. Instead, we get NOTHING. Seriously, Meyer skips the whole damn trip! This chapter starts off when they are landing in Washington FROM COMING BACK and we get a wee little flashback with Renee which only serves to say "Edward and Bella BELONG together! If you can't see that, you're an idiot!". That's it. The end. Can we say COP OUT? A better author would have written the trip out and used it as character developement, but no. Meyer can't be bothered with that and thus I'm left wondering why she even bothered having this plot device at all if she wasn't going to freaking write it in! Oh, and what is this:

Phil was busy-the high school baseball team he coached was in the playoffs-
From Eclipse, Chapter 3

Um...what? I thought Phil was a professional baseball player? He went to Florida because he got signed to a team? What happened to that? He suddenly changed careers? I'm sensing author goof or there was a story there that Meyer forgot to put into New Moon that she thought she had covered, aka PLOTHOLE. Or it was covered in New Moon, I just missed it because I was too busy banging my head at Bella's stupidity. Plothole seems more likely though.
As for the Bella and Edward belong together!moment, that is in the conversation that Bella remembers with her mother. Renee expresses legit concern about how close Bella and Edward are. Now, she does it in the wrong way, she should have said "honey, you have no LIFE except for this one guy! He controls practically every move you make!" But we can't have that in here, because that would imply there is actually something wrong in this relationship! So Meyer writes Renee's concerns wrongly to make it sound like she's being silly and Bella acts accordingly and basically tells her mother she's being stupid. Have I mentioned I hate the way Bella treats her parents?
Back to the present, Bella and Edward say hi to Charlie (who is of course rude to Edward in Bella's opinion simply because he doesn't kiss the ground Edward walks on like she does) and it turns out Jacob has been calling.
He just happens to call when they get home and basically the conversation goes "what do you want? You back? Okay then, bye." Meyer, queen of pointless scenes in her books which is why these things are so damn long. Bella wonders what that pointless conversation was about (I did too) and since she is the only one who knows Jacob so well (excuse me while I laugh) she ponders his motives and comes to the conclusion he was making sure she was still human and is horrified. Um...why? We already covered this situation in New Moon. She KNOWS the minute she gets bitten the treaty is over, WE know it. The only possible reason this whole pointless scene is to make Jacob look like more of an ass to have an aww moment for Bella/Edward fans. Ugh.
Cut to next day at school and Jacob is there! Edward tries to make Bella stay in the car (cue sexist moment), she refuses, and then Edward and Jacob have what I call a "my dick is bigger than yours" moment. There are a lot of these moments in Twilight, I've noticed. This is also yet another sexist moment because why these two are machoing out, poor wittle defenseless Bella is between them and hopelessly torn and close to tears. God, excuse me while I YACK. Never mind that the actual teenage girl going to high school nowadays would not being doing this. She would either a) Smack both of them and stalk off (I had a few friends in school who would have called them morons before hand), b) Enjoyed the heck out of it because in high school, boys fighting over you tends to up your coolness factor (though it also comes with the added occasional whispered "ho"), c) Would have been embarressed about the whole thing and just walked off. But close to tears in helplessness and frozen in the middle of the whole thing? I don't think so. Seriously, Meyer is fairly young, right? She would have gone to school in the eighties/nineties? I would think she would have witnessed a few boys fighting over a girl to know what actual reactions a girl would have to the situation. Enough to know that this scenario is completely sexist and downright stupid.
Anyway, during the "my dick is bigger than yours" moment, we learn that Victoria was in town and Edward was keeping it from her, that's why he was so keen on her going to Florida. Okay. But she still could have gone to Florida on her own or with Alice. Instead of getting pissed at Edward like a normal girl would have, Bella cries and goes into near hysterics. Seriously, Meyer, what the hell? Girls pre-feminism era would have more of a backbone then this. Plus, what happened to that "wanting to be equals thing?" that I've noticed has not been mentioned once in this book. If she wants to be equals, Bella wouldn't burst into tears at the merest hint of danger. She'd put on her big girl panties and deal with it(and if Edward wanted them to be equals, which I don't he does, he would have told her what was going on).
I love Jacob for pointing out that Edward is a controlling ass. Edward and Bella don't like this very much of course (the truth hurts) and after a timely intervention by the principal, Jacob leaves (only after we learn Jacob still has her bike, cue foreshadow to how they'll start talking again). Then we have Bella and Edward passing notes in class (using standard font) where Bella demands to know what happened. She is then horrified by the knowledge (Alice has to FIGHT! How horrible! She's a GIRL!) then there's talk about trip where Edward all but says Bella is completely helpless without him. Um...can we say abuse flag? I'm pretty sure most experts on abuse would raise their eyebrows at this and start muttering about verbal abuse and looking more closely at the relationship. Just...good God. This is the relationship being hailed as True Love? Oh, and then there's some rot on the guys taking bets on who would win in a fight, Edward or Jacob (Mike is for Jacob because you know he's a jerk, and loveable Ben is for Edward). I meanwhile am still reeling from the blatant sexism and obvious controlling boyfriend tendencies.
WORD LIST: none for this chapter. Go Meyer!
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: After the long flight-chasing the sun westward so that it seemed unmoving in the sky- a)Why are we getting a paragraph devoted to weather? B) What?
She wanted to show off the beauties of her new home.-Renee has been living there for about three years now. It's not a new home.
She still looked at Phil with goo-goo eyes-Yes, Bella, way to make your Mom's romance with her HUSBAND seem juvenile compared to your own completely mature romance with the guy you want to have sex with but don't want to marry because of how it would look to other people.
I love how Bella is insisting she and Edward belong together, yet she still takes time to check out Jacob (but only does so because other people in the school are doing it, not her, no siree)
The blatant sexism.
Bella in tears AGAIN.
Bella in general. Edward in general. Kind of half and half on Jacob.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 2: Evasion

First, apologies for taking so long. I just had to take a break from the crappyness of this book. Plus, I had other books to read that I wanted to get to. But I'm back with regular updates so lets go, shall we?

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella and Edward make plans to see Renee much to Charlie's irritation. That's it. I'm torn between being bored and being pissed off at Bella

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS: Bella is at school. She is also oddly cheerful (according to her, I don't see it). What could be causing this out of character cheerfullness she wonders? Could it be she's about to graduate? No. That would mean she was a regular teenager like everyone else and as we know, Bella is above being a regular teenager. I meanwhile am wondering why a person is debating with herself about why she's cheerful? Really? What human does that? Oh...
As she ponders this topic and never reaches a conclusion (therefore making me wonder why it was brought up in the first place as it's obviously not important) Bella joins Edward, Alice, Angela, and Ben at lunch. Angela is fretting about announcements and how it's such a chore to do. It really isn't that hard, but apparently she needs help and Bella offers. Not because she wants to help but because Charlie would approve. Nice. Also, in this Bella calls her mom by her first name out loud. Um...I thought she didn't refer to her parents by their first name out loud? Going against your rules again Meyer. Then Bella says she's free now and her friends immediately want to celebrate it. Bella starts getting annoyed when they talk about plans for celebration and somehow thoughts turn to Jacob Black. Once more we are treated with the "Bella is so selfless!" sthick. Too bad I don't believe it and think it's got more to do with guilt then with selflessness. Alice has a vision at the table but somehow no one notices.
Cut to after school and somehow Mike and Edward are talking about...what else? Cars. Because you know that's ALL boys talk about. God Meyer, think outside the box would you? How about movies? Or video games? Or their feelings but being guys they talk about feelings in a round about way. But no, all guys talk about are cars and sports in Meyers world. Not only is this sexist, it's stereotyping as well. Plus, I'm sorry, why would Mike think Edward would know anything about cars? When I think of Edward, car trouble knowledge is the last thing I think of. I love that even Bella thinks it's wierd that Edward is being NICE.
Bella and Edward drive home. Insert boring conversation here. Then there is awkward kissing scene. I don't know why but Meyer's "love" scenes just don't do it for me like it seems to do it for everyone else. Maybe it's because I realize that these two aren't really in love, or maybe it's because Meyer writes the kissing parts so clinically and then muddles it up with Bella's commentary. I'm sorry but if you're kissing someone and supposedly really into it, you don't constantly think while you're kissing. I think Bella is doing it wrong. Or Edward is doing it wrong. Or Meyer is just a lousy writer. Probably a combination of all of that.
After Bella answers emails and I even this to be condescending of her because of the things she thinks about her mother. I totally laugh at this:

I was a very different person from my mother. Someone thoughtful and cautious. The responsible one, the grown-up. That's how I saw myself. That was the person I knew.
From Eclipse, Chapter 2

First, HA. Thoughtful? Thoughtful, is THINKING OF OTHERS as wells as thinking of yourself. Bella does not do that. Cautious? Um...New Moon, anyone? Seriously, you would think she never rode a motorcycle or flew off to Italy without checking around first or thinking it through. Responsible? You have no responsibilities! Cooking dinner doesn't count, you just made that up on your own. Grown-up...you whine when things don't go your way or aren't happy about something, you don't look at things from other people's point of view, you put everything into black and white categories, you're bratty to your father who is worried about you. That is not being a grown up. I won't even go into how offensive I find it that Bella all but implies that her own mother is none of these things and is basically stupid. I admit Renee is on the flaky side but if she and Bella are these best friends like she keeps saying, she wouldn't belittle her mother like she does in her head.
Magically, Edward finds the plane tickets that she got for her birthday in New Moon and suddenly it's oh, lets go to Florida for the weekend! Like you don't have school finals to think about at all. But what am I thinking? These are Mary Sue and Gary Stu, they don't need to STUDY. Bella says no, even though she kind of wants too. Then they talk briefly about Alice's vision which was about Jasper...doing something that's not clear. Then they go down to join Charlie for dinner. I have to groan at this:

I wondered if Edward would have a problem with Charlie hanging out in La Push.
From Eclipse, Chapter 2

What. The. Hell? What right does Edward have to say anything about what Charlie does in his free time? Just because Bella lives by Edwards word and law doesn't mean Charlie does. Good lord. Plus, again, Charlie is an ADULT (that thing which Bella is NOT), and therefore can do whatever the hell he wants without Edwards say so. Then to further prove that he's manipulative and controlling, Edward brings up the subject of Bella's tickets to Charlie. See, he doesn't listen to what she actually says because she's a silly woman and therefore doesn't know what's good for her. Edward does, so he's going to go against her wishes regardless if she wants him to or not. This is everyone's idea of the perfect boyfriend?
Charlie seems open to the idea but then rightfully explodes at the thought of him and Bella going together. Not only do these two spend enough time together, in th real world would you let your teen daughter and her boyfriend go on a plane ride to a different state, on their own, when that boy broke her heart not so long ago? Yeah. Charlie is in the right. But of course, in Meyer's world, interfering parents are just being overbearing jerks and don't know what they're talking about. Bella blows up at her father and suddenly saying HE'S being the unreasonable one. I love how suddenly she's saying Renee is actually a authority figure when just a few pages ago, she was saying Renee was irresponsible. But that's not the point, right? Charlie's being unreasonable so Bella is reasoning with him. Now, excuse me but if Bella actually WAS the grown up she says she is, I would think that Bella would have realized Edward was being manipulative and conceded to her father or (this is the one I like) negotiated with her dad and said "how about I go on my own and Edward stays? Or I go with Alice?". But this never once crosses her mind because you know, Edward is always right. It gets even worse as Bella takes Edward out and he all but says he was a manipulative jerk and she LETS IT GO. UGH.
She goes back to Charlie and there's a pointless embarressing scene that goes no where. She decides to see Jacob and as she goes, Edward stops her. Just...jeez louise. I didn't think he could become more of a controlling jerk. Turns out I was wrong. He stops her from visiting and acts like he's being a good guy! Just...ugh! She lets him too! This...just...really? Chapter ends and thank god.

WORD LIST: buoyant (third offense usage, this DOES NOT MEAN CHEERFUL Meyer get that through your damn head), grandiose,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I felt the blood slither from my face.-What? Blood cannot slither because oh yeah, it's technically inanimate. Snakes slither. Blood doesn't. It certainly doesn't do it on the inside of someones face either.
Bella.
Edward and the fact that everyone seems to think this guy is the perfect boyfriend.