NEW MOON: Chapter 7: Repetition

CHAPTER SUMMARY:Bella continues to hang out with Jacob, there is more foreshadow, that is it.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Meyer is back with the boring pointless chapters again. Yay. The first scene has Bella pondering if she's masochistic and I have to reply to her: yes, honey, you are. Why else would you have gotten together with Edward in the first place? There needs to be an anti-fanfiction where Bella goes to therapy. Seriously, someone write that. Assuming it hasn't been written already, in which case, send me a link!
Anyway, the reason she wonders if she's masochistic is because she's going to the Cullen's house. Yeah, again, you are masochistic Bella. The thing that gets me though, is apparently Bella knows herself so well that she knows she's lying to herself and being kind of stupid but she's going anyway. Sigh. There's an even more stupid moment when she worries the house won't be there anymore and she'll have imagined it all. Overdramatic much, Meyer?
Of course the house is still there and deserted. Personally, I find it hard to believe no one snatched such a private and beautiful house up and moved in. That I think, would have been more powerful here would be to have Bella come and be startled to find that a different family had moved in. Proof that life goes on.
But, Meyer doesn't think that way I guess and so house is deserted and Bella emos out and then goes find Jacob again. There is also an actual good moment here where Jacob voices his worry that Bella is pretty much using him for the bikes. She assures him this is not the case. Personally, I think this is exactly what Bella is doing but not just with the bikes, she's using him to stay in denial, and also so she can get lessons on bike riding in order to get a rush and hear Edward's voice again.
But the moment is quickly gone as they agree to do homework because apparently Billy and Charlie won't approve of them hanging out so much if they don't. I'm sorry but I think this is stupid because from what I've seen the two are pretty happy with them hanging out together. Hell, the two might as well be singing "Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match".
Bella gets home and this really irks me:

I got home later than I'd planned and found Charlie had ordered a pizza rather than wait for me. He wouldn't let me apologize.
From New Moon, Chapter 7

What the hell? Why should she have to apologize? Not cooking dinner for your Dad is not a crime. Good God. Just so you know, this is another sexist moment brought to you by Bella Swan who seems to think it's criminal when you don't cook your father dinner even when your father is a grown man and has been taking care of himself way before you came along.
More babble about pointless things: email from mother that is annoying, friends who are being annoying and not accepting her not apology. I'm sorry, but this irks me:

Jess was more resistant. I wondered if she needed a formal written apology for the Port Angeles incident.
From New Moon, Chapter 7

No Bella, she probably actually just needs AN APOLOGY, which you have yet to give her. People are funny like that. We liked to be apologized too when we're treated like crap by our supposed friends. We would also like that apology to be sincere.
Anyway, suddenly she's at work with Mike and Mike has obviously not gotten over her and asks her out. Which once again, disputes that "oh they're just enamoured with something new and shiny" theory that people keep throwing around to explain the ridiculousness of three guys (five counting Jacob and Edward) falling for Bella in the first week. Bella has been here year. Her shininess must have worn off by now, especially since she's supposedly been acting like a zombie the past few months. But no, since it's Bella she's still totally interesting and this guy STILL has a thing for her. Though God knows why since she treats him pretty much like he doesn't exist.
But never mind that, Mike asks her out, it is awkward. Again, this situation would totally be avoided if Bella would just flat out tell Mike she's not interested in him. Guys can take a hint. I love how she says honesty was probably the best policy but she just pretty much avoids being honest with him. Can we say hypocrite?
More babble as she hangs out with Jacob at home doing homework. She somehow magically knows how to make Lasagne (more Mary Sue points, yay!). Then it's suddenly the next day and she's with Jacob again. Look, the bikes are done! That was quick, that was like what, a week? A few days? I also have to say, this, while cute, is kind of annoying:

"Jacob you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get ten years for this one."
"Cool! I'm middle-aged now."
From New Moon, Chapter 7

Um...excuse me? Since when is mid-twenties middle aged? I'm in my mid twenties and am older then Jacob would be were he ten years older and I feel slightly offended now. Last I checked, middle aged was mid thirties to fifties. Or has that changed since I went to college and took that social studies course? While it was adorable when Jacob said it (thank God Meyer finally has someone who isn't ridiculously emo in this book) I still say this is dumb.
So they get the bikes loaded, and go to a rural part of town. There is talk of crazy cliff divers in yet another foreshadow. More foreshadow as Jacob talks about what goes for a psuedo gang in La Push and how Sam and his crew are a part of it. Everyone who knows something about Twilight knows Sam becomes a regular character too and in case we didn't get the message that Jacob is going to become important later on, Sam watching Jacob sure does. Sweet moment as Bella comforts Jacob. I also want Meyer to look up the definition of albino. That is a person with PALE HAIR, and PALE SKIN. Usually that pale hair is BLONDE. Therefore Bella? Not an albino. Just a pale Mary Sue. Chapter ends with her lessons finally starting.

WORDS A TEENAGER WOULD NEVER SAY: aberrant
POSSIBLE EDITS: Chapter title yet again. Because there is no repition here.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: It's not a crime to not cook dinner for your dad.
He laughed, a throaty sound-What the hell is a throaty sound? Throats is not a sound. It is that thing that holds your head to your body and houses your esophagus. IT IS NOT A SOUND.

NEW MOON: Chapter 6-Friends

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella spends time with Jacob...that's pretty much it.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So Bella and Jacob work on the bikes. Or Jacob does and Bella watches because remember she is female and not supposed to have anything to do with this stuff. Yes, this is a sexist thing in this book because I know plenty of females who know about cars and can change a tire like no ones business (and without breaking a nail). So I'm sorry this whole scene bugs me. It especially bugs me later as Bella watches Jacob and his two friends Quil and Embry (both cute as well, notice there is a severe lack of normal/ugly people in Meyer's world, I'm just saying):

Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I'd have to have a Y chromosome to really understand the excitement.
From New Moon, Chapter 6

See? How sexist can you get? Also, there should not be a comma after and because there is no pause in the thought/sentence. You were doing so well, Meyer. But anyway, Bella leaves (and is surprised that she actually enjoyed herself; I'm surprised too because from what she was thinking and what was happening I didn't get the sense she enjoyed herself but whatever), and then goes home. I have to admit, I enjoyed Jacob and his two friends banter. The three of them were fun and seem like they actually have personalities even if their hobby is a gross stereotype (all men like to fix cars, don't you know? Sigh).
So Bella gets home and cooks dinner and major Mary Sue points here (haven't had those in awhile) because she knows how to make fried chicken. I count this as Mary Sueness because I'm sorry what eighteen year old (who hasn't grown up in the south or had her mother teach her) would a) willingly make fried chicken, or b) even KNOW how to make fried chicken? It's utterly ridiculous that Bella knows all these difficult recipes that chefs have to explain to adults. But Meyer probably wanted Bella to be Super!Chef so she put this in without thinking that it is strange that a teenager knows how to make it when her mother probably didn't teach her and she is obviously not a Food Network holic. This is why you need to think about things Meyer.
Moving on, Bella makes dinner, talks to her dad (briefly) and then goes to bed, marvels that she didn't dream.
Then there is another day spent with Jacob and I have to say, Jacob is one of the few things I am enjoying about this book so far. He seems to have some sort of personality (not much, but more then Edward and definitely more then Bella) and he's just so adorable you want to squeeze him and if you're me, you want to tell him to stay far away from Bella. I kind of get the Team Jacob movement now. Were I actually a Twihard (which I obviously am not in any sense of the word) I would be Team Jacob but I would be Team Jacob Who Ditches Bella and No Longer Bothers With Her. There needs to be a t-shirt for that...
Where was I? Oh yeah, Jacob and his adorableness. He and Bella gather parts and chat. I have to roll my eyes again though because once again, Bella has a guy who likes her even though they've had one conversation, if that (this time it's Quil). God, I'm beginning to wonder if Bella has pheromones or something. That's the only possible explanation I have for practically every guy she meets or simply LOOKS at getting the hots for her.
More chatting and Bella watching Jacob fix up the bikes and then there's a wierd part where they are walking to the house and Bella gets hysterical for some reason, or close to hysterical. Seriously, what was up with this scene? She's suddenly afraid of the dark or something? I don't get it, but whatever it passes and there's a big dinner with Charlie, Billy, Harry, a new character that we're suddenly supposed to magically know what she looks like (Sue, his wife), and Harry's two children Seth and Leah. All those who have read the series know that Leah becomes a recurring character later on, and that is evident in that she's actually given a description (she's beautiful too of course) while the other two new characters are not.
But we don't see much of Leah because she's constantly on Billy's phone during the evening. Apparently NO one in this backwater town has a cell phone. Odd and very unlikely. One of the many instances were I simply don't get Meyers world. I mean, were cell phones not invented in this universe or something?
So evening ends, Bella is again surprised she enjoyed herself, and they go home. There is email from her Mom/Renee, that she responds too (vivid description of it here). But Bella again has another dream. That she vividly remembers.
Cut to morning and school. Bella starts talking and is miffed that Jessica doesn't automatically respond to her outreach. Now she has to make an actual EFFORT.
So Bella has decided to rejoin her friends and is surprised that no one immediately notices. She has random bitch moments when she talks about Lauren. I'm sorry but I'll believe Lauren is mean person when I actually see her being mean. Just because she doesn't happen to like Bella doesn't make her mean. I also think Lauren has good reason not to like her because um...she basically ignores everyone until it's convenient for HER. The comment about the short hair cut irks me. Let me guess, Bella, girls shouldn't have short hair it's just wrong? I'm sorry it's what it sounds like.
But anyway, Angela is talking and in what is yet ANOTHER foreshadow, there is talk of big bears in the woods. No one believes Angela and Bella actually does something nice and says other people have seen it too. Because you know, if other people have said they saw something in the woods, that automatically makes it so. Everyone is so super shocked that Bella has actually spoken though. Conversation ends and Angela and Bella talk and Bella realizes oh...it's been exactly a year since I've been here. Huh. Isn't that a coincidence? Yes, this is heavy sarcasm. Pointless chapter ends. I see we're back to these again.

WORDS A TEENAGER WOULD NEVER SAY: dithered
POSSIBLE EDITS: Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I'd have to have a Y chromosome to really understand the excitement.-There shouldn't be a comma after and.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Girls can fix cars too.
How the heck does a teenager know how to make fried chicken?
I've noticed something: there are no fat people or people with glasses in this book. At least there weren't any in Twilight, and I'm betting there won't be any here. How does THAT happen?
Please note: I've given up on the dash count. There are just too many and counting them all was taking too long. Just know that she abuses them. A lot.
I'm stil trying to figure out how Renee can be a big flake and obviously a bad displinarian and yet she teaches elementary school kids.

NEW MOON: Chapter 5-Cheater

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella buys motorcycles for some odd reason and takes them to Jacob to fix. That's about it. I really don't get the title of this chapter, I'll explain why after thoughts.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We begin this chapter with Bella at work where we FINALLY get an idea of where she works: some sort of sporting goods/hiking gear store....huh? I cannot picture Bella demeaning herself by working at a sporting goods store nor having any interest in it because um...doesn't she hate stuff like hiking and whatnot? She's hardly qualified to work there...oh wait, Mike works there. Never mind. It's totally clear how she got the job now. Ten bucks says Bella told some sob story to her friends about needing cash and Mike pulled a few strings at his place because you know, he's still obsessed with Bella. I still think Meyer could have had her working at a bookstore or something, or a fast food place like all the other teens but that would probably be too demeaning and normal for her Sue, so instead she puts Bella in a place that seems illogical for her to be working at. Personally I think she decided to have Bella working there just so she could hear the exchange between the hikers about dangerous looking animals in the forests which in case you guys don't know is an epic forshadow.
Bella gets into her car and drives around and I think it's pretty clear here that Bella is depressed. I will say this, Meyer did get how a depressed person feels down pat. Unfortunately, Bella doesn't get help for this depression and the depression isn't even acknowledged so I ask you, what's the point? How do I know she's depressed? These lines:

I wished I could feel numb again, but I couldn't remember how I'd managed it before.

I curled over, pressing my face against the steering wheel and trying to breathe without lungs.
From New Moon, Chapter 5

Yeah...we have depression here folks. Actually, it's kind of overdone still, which seems to be Meyer's style, so there you go. Again, she does a good job of capturing the depression but she doesn't do anything with it. This could have been a great book about learning to deal with depression and learning to move past it and becoming a stronger person. But no. Meyer couldn't do that, that would require difficulty for her characters. Plus, you know a plot other then romance.
So Bella mopes some more (and cries some more) and suddenly sees a pair of old motorcycles for sales and decides that this must be fate, therefore she must have some. Yeah. On one hand, I can kind of see how Meyer came up with this idea. On the other hand it's kind of stupid. But whatever, Bella sees the bikes and decides she must have them. Because having one is apparently stupid and reckless and she wants to be stupid and reckless. Sigh...I am trying to ignore the fact that once more Bella is being a brat and am going to move on.
So Bella gets her bikes (and because it's Bella, she gets them for free) and she wonders about where to get them fix up. The local garage is out because the guy is way too expensive. Then she remembers the cute Jacob Black she flirted with in the first book and thinks "yeah, he'll do!". Random scene where she calls Charlie to get the Black's address. He offers to come and join her but she says no. Because you know, heaven forbid she spend time with her father. Ew.
So she goes to the Blacks (insert vivid description here) and oh, Jacob has gotten even cuter. Billy is also there but not for long, it immediately goes back to Jacob and Bella. Bella asks him to fix her bikes and, being a guy, he's all game for it. He refuses payment of course, so Bella trades him the extra bike and lessons because she can't ride motorcycles. Good thing she got two of them, isn't it? My mind (and probably many other readers) went to a dirty place at this line:

"Wait a sec-are you legal yet? When's your birthday?"
From New Moon, Chapter 5

No seriously, she asks him that and it's not at all about sex or drugs. I would commend Meyer for the cleverness if I didn't suspect the joke was totally lost on her. Jacob agrees but worries about parts which Bella tells him not to worry about. She'll just use her college fund. Again, great role model Meyer. Really. College is totally skippable girls if your boyfriend dumps you and you're heartbroken. More reason that I don't buy this Bella is intelligent crap. Anyway, chapter ends with Bella being thankful for Jacob, the end. Now you know why I'm confused about the title of the chapter. No where in here does she cheat. Even if it's a reference to her hanging out with Jacob it's stupid because she and Edward are not together anymore so it's NOT CHEATING. So chapter title=stupid.

WORD LIST: buoyant (second offense use for this word, she used it in Twilight).
POSSIBLE EDITS: Please change the chapter name, it makes no sense.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The Blacks house was vaguely familiar-How can it be familiar exactly? She's never been there right?
I recognized the symbol on the grille at least.-Um...I thought this girl didn't know anything about cars? How can she know what a car part is? Also, a grille refers to ventillation parts, not the front of a vehicle where the symbol of VWs are usually found.
Embry? Seriously Meyer? Where do you find these names?

NEW MOON: Chapter 4-Waking Up

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Charlie has enough and lays down the law for Bella: shape up or you're going to live with your mother. IN THE SUNSHINE. Wow, that's a punishment? Me I'd love to live in Florida, but whatever. It works...sort of.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So the chapter opens with a pretty good opening paragraph actually. An over dramatic paragraph, but then this whole series is overdramatic, so that's kind of a moot point. Anyway, Charlie has finally had enough of Bella's moping (wow, four months later...he sure has patience) and is being a good parent and of course, Bella takes offense to this. How dare Charlie act like a parent and WORRY when she has been perfect? I personally applaud Charlie. However, I have to shake my head because Meyer once again screws what could be a great moment up. First, she screws it up with Bella herself. Second, she pretty much says that Edward leaving Bella was the same as Renee leaving her dad. Um...NO.
Charlie and Renee were MARRIED with a CHILD. He was devoted to her (and presumingly Bella as well) and she pretty much said "see you loser" and left. All because she didn't like the town he lived in...and is pretty much a flake. Edward and Bella were NOT married, they haven't even been dating for over a year! He didn't take their non existant child and it's pretty obvious that he left for her own damn good so it's obvious he still has feelings for her. It is in NO WAY the same situation as Charlie and Renee.
However, I do agree that Bella should see a shrink, but not for the break up but because she has a LOT of issues such as dependancy, selfishness, and a plethora of other things that would give a shrink a field day. But of course, Bella couldn't possibly see a shrink (that would imply she's not perfect) and so instead lies to her dad and says she does have plans. Great message you're sending teenage girls here Meyer. Girls when your parents are worried about you for a good reason, instead of owning up and facing the fact that you have problems, lie and avoid the situation instead.
So we see Bella go to school, insert description of daily activities here (how Animal Farm is considered an easy subject matter, I don't know, but whatever) and oh look, there's Mike. She acts like a jerk as usual (and there is STILL no word on what it is Bella actually DOES cause you know, working is so MUNDANE) and then Bella spots Jessica. I have to say this line pisses me off:

I knew I had offended her with my antisocial behaviorc and she was sulking.
From New Moon, chapter 4

Excuse me, Miss Swan but when you ignore somebody for over a few months for no good reason, and when they didn't do anything to deserve that behavior, YEAH, they ARE going to take offense. It is not sulking, it is being annoyed by having a friend who treats you like crap. Which frankly you do. I don't understand why Jessica gives her the time of day (I say she's a decent person because I would have taken one look at her and said, go find someone else since I'm not good enough for you) but she does. They make plans to go to the movies.
More boring description of her day and oh look they're leaving! Bella turns on rap of all things, and because once again there is apparently nothing more that we girls talk about, they talk about boys. Specifically the nerds who have the audacity to ask Jessica out. Though at least she's decent enough to accept an invitation, even if it's out of pity and she gossips about it later. It's still better then how Bella treated then...only by a margin though. Oh, and for those keeping track, another sexist moment here and an earlier one because Bella thought she was perfect for not occasionally serving leftovers (cause you know, that's a crime and implies a bad housewife).
They get to the theatre and Bella is annoyed because a young couple has the nerve to be lovey dovey in public and don't understand her pain. Then they go into the movie and it's a zombie movie...yeah. She's further annoyed when the movie has the nerve t have a romance scene and of course, narcissist that she is, draws parallels between the movie and herself.
So they leave the theatre and it's dark and scary, and oh look there's scary loitering guys outside the bar who may or may not have been the ones who almost didn't attack her in the last book. Genius that Bella is, she goes towards them. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Dumbest. Heroine. Ever. But as she's walking towards them an amazing thing happens: She hears Edward's lovely voice telling her what I and every reader are thinking: What are you doing, you dumbass?
I also must say, for a girl hearing voices in her head that aren't there, she manages to think quite rationally about it. Most people who hear voices in their head tend to freak out. Or so I've heard. But this IS Bella, so naturally she would behave calmly when hearing a voice in her head.
But anyway, guys don't turn out to be the same ones from before and she goes back to Jessica who rightfully calls her an idiot. Bella of course thinks she's just offended now and is not cooperating with Bella. Which means she's not any fun now. Awkward rest of the evening and Bella goes home and nice friend that she is:

I'd forgotten her by the time I was inside.
From New Moon, Chapter 4

Nice. She lies to Charlie again (really, great role model here folks)and in the peak of her emoness Bella thinks that she feels pain and realizes this makes her feel alive. Brother.

WORD LIST: None for this chapter! Go Meyer!
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Just Bella herself and the fact that everyone is acting like she's gone through this super horrible tragic thing when all that happened is that her boyfriend dumped her. Do you know how many high schoolers get dumped per day? Who also probably got dumped for way more horrible reasons then their boyfriend wanting to protect them? You don't see those high schoolers going into a funk for four months. A month, maybe. But four?

NEW MOON: Chapter 3-The End

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Basically? Edward leaves and Bella goes into a catatonic state. Yeah. Really. I don't need to make this stuff up.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella feeling miserable (again) and of course, Edward is still hot which doesn't help her mood. See, there is the problem with having a boyfriend who is hotter then you. You always look bad by comparison. Alice is not there as Bella notes, she is with Jasper of course. Bella acts bitchy the whole day, then there is random what the hell stuff with Bella daydreaming and coming up with random scenarios that make me go huh? I mean, seriously this girl has literally already planned out what she and Edward are going to do from now on. Without asking Edward. I'm sensing communication issues and serious denial issues on Bella's part.
Anyway during all this random daydreaming of how her life is going to be now, Bella has work. We are not told what that work is, only that she works in a store and works with Mike. Um...details Meyer? Is it a grocery store, a retail store, what? All of a sudden we're not getting vivid descriptions and this is something we actually need to know!
Well, Bella gets home...from wherever it is she works, and Edward and Charlie are hanging out on the couch watching sports because they are men, it is all they watch (more of that not-to-subtle sexism and stereotyping going on, this time aimed at men). Bella starts to take pictures all of a sudden appreciative of her gifts and starts to snap pictures. There's a kind of cute scene where she takes pictures of Charlie and Edward and they of her with two of them and so on. Edward leaves and it is suddenly the next morning (that's when you need paragraph breaks Meyer, just a tip). She brings her camera and for some reason can't be bothered to take pictures herself so she has her friends do it. Then gets annoyed when they get really into it:

A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on film. It seemed strangely childish. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for normal human behavior today.
From New Moon, Chapter 3

God, everytime I start to like Bella a bit, she goes back and acts like this and I want to smack her all over again. Enjoying LIFE is NOT childish Bella. Being HUMAN, is NOT childish Bella. GET. OVER. YOUR. SELF. Again, I'm sure this was Meyer's attempt to make it seem like this girl is super mature. Unfortunately it comes across as someone who is a snot.
Anyway, school ends again, and Bella somehow gets her pictures developed really quickly and is surprised at how hot Edward looks in his pictures. Never mind that he is a vampire without a soul, so he shouldn't appear in photoes to begin with but whatever. I also must roll my eyes because really, she sees Edward everyday, is always commenting on how hot he is, so why the hell is she so surprised he's hot in his pictures too? Has she never taken pictures before in her life or something?
Well, more school happens and Edward takes her home and they go for a walk. Where Edward drops the bomb: The Cullens are leaving.
For some moronic reason Bella thought Edward would be staying (WHY would she think that? I thought this girl was supposed to be smart?) and is now devasted that he's leaving too. I would feel sorry for her if I didn't think that a) it's about time something didn't go her way and b) I didn't like her and c) if she wasn't so damn overdramatic and kind of stupid about it.
First, it is pretty obvious that Edward doesn't mean what he says. He is doing it for her own good (or his emo self so he can angst; hard to tell with Edward sometimes). Second, as far as break ups go, this is not the most horrible one I've heard or read. He didn't cheat her nor she with him, he didn't viciously dumb her calling her ugly or anything, he didn't use her, and a bunch of other horrible things guys have done to girls (and vice versa in some cases) so really, I have a hard time being sympathetic. All he did was say the truth: the Cullens weren't going to be able to live there forever. It was going to happen sooner or later. Now, mind you he did not have to say he didn't want her. He could have just said they were a danger to her and left it at that. That was a bit of a jack ass move on Edward's part, but it was probably the only way he could think of to get the situation to sink in for Bella.
So, Edward is leaving and asks her not to do anything reckless or stupid (if you've watched the movie or read the book you know she ignores this later), and then exit stage right, Edward Cullen (sadly not for long).In fact, she pretty much starts right away. The minute he leaves, she starts walking in the forest. Without paying any attention to where she's going or trails or anything. Geez, they didn't walk far, she couldn't have just walked to her bedroom and cried like normal girls do after breakups? Oh wait, it's Bella. Never mind.
As if this wasn't dramatic enough, it starts to rain. Yeah. Then some guy named Sam Uley finds her because it turns out Charlie sent a search party after her. Wow. Fast work Charlie. He even has some doctor there named Dr. Gerandy and once again the readers are apparently supposed to know who this random character is. Evidently the whole town already knows the Cullens have left (again, fast work, didn't Edward just leave a few hours ago?). The La Push tribe is also being painted as heartless because they are happy that the Cullens are gone. To L.A. Oh Meyer, you cheeky little devil you ;rolls eyes;. As if this isn't harsh enough, Edward took his CD. Then, you remember in the table of contents those chapters labled as months? Yeah, turns out they are just pages with the months on them in capital letters. Not only do I feel severely cheated, I feel the need to explain to Meyer that a PAGE with ONE WORD does not qualify as a CHAPTER. I'm sure Meyer thought she was being brilliant, showing how Bella was basically catatonic during this time for FOUR MONTHS. Only because her BOYFRIEND LEFT. On one hand, it is kind of telling, on the other hand, it just drives home further how pathetic Bella is as a heroine.

WORDS THAT DON'T BELONG/A TEENAGER WOULD NEVER SAY/WRONG USE: sieve
DASH COUNT: 39
POSSIBLE EDITS: ONE word is NOT A CHAPTER and therefore should NOT be on the table of contents.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of these questions would have to waint because they were for Alice. How as Jasper this morning? What had they said when I was gone? What had Roselie said? And most importantaly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future?-Whoa, whoa. What? Roselie is now the one who sees visions? Because from the wording of that paragraph that is what I got from that. It would have been smarter to leave the question about Roselie out because a) It's already covered in the what did they say question and b) it confuses the reader into thinking the next question is about Roselie.

NEW MOON: Chapter 2-Stitches

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Carlisle stitches Bella up, they talk. Edward and Bella go to her house, chat with Charlie, make out, Edward refuses to put out/I mean drink Bella's blood, and there is pouting on Bella's part and then she goes to sleep.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS
This was actually not a half bad chapter. Kind of boring, but there weren't any completely obvious grammer mistakes for a change (other then the overuse of dashes) and for once, no theosaurus words that made me roll my eyes. There were still annoyances in storytelling (Bella being one of them because I want to smack her on like every page), but Meyer, you've made actual progress it looks like. Keep it up!
Anyway, everyone freaks out except for Carlisle. Emmett and Roselie take Jasper away (with Roselie looking smug for some reason that is not named, other then for Meyer to apparently take the oppurtunity to point out once again that this girl is a bitch; in case we didn't get the picture already). Alice and Edward help Carlisle with Bella and there's this little exchange that kind of amuses and makes me annoyed at the same time:

"I'll stay," he said.
"Why are you so masochistic?" I mumbled.
Bella to Edward in New Moon, Chapter 2

This amuses me because it points out something that I have been musing to myself. I think Edward IS slightly masochist. It makes me annoyed because Bella? Is kind of one too so she has no room to talk.
So, Alice and Edward then leave and it's just Carlisle and Bella with Carlisle assuring our Sue that it is not her fault of course (it's NEVER her fault, remember). Bella starts questioning Carlisle then. This is where we get to the slightly good part of this chapter because I'll admit it: I kind of like Carlisle. Not personality-wise (I find him to be a tad self-righteous) but character-potential wise. Because he seriously had the potential to be an awesome character if Meyer had bothered to focus on something other then Edward and Bella's "True Love". Come on, look at his back story: priest-guy turned vampire? Lived through many things, has to struggle with that and the vampire coven he's a part of...it just seriously makes me sad that such awesome character potential was wasted on Edward and Bella instead and not even spent wisely because the two of them stink in the character department.
But anyway, Carlisle talks about his past, which is basically Meyer reminding us of his past in case we've forgotten about it, and then there is some talk of religion and I have to say, I find this part, hard to believe:

"But never, in the nearly four hundred years now since was born, have I
ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or the
other."
Carlisle, New Moon, Chapter 2

I'm sorry, this is CRAP. Meyer would have us believe that this man who has seen all the major wars (including American ones and world ones), the Holocaust, 9/11, the very VAMPIRES he's met, etc. has not ONCE questioned the existance of God? Please. Meyer, no ones faith is THAT absolute. Anyone who has said otherwise is probably lying through their teeth. For crying out loud, he was a clergyman WHO GOT TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE. Don't tell me that doesn't make someone question whether or not there is a God. But no, she wants Carlisle to be perfect, so of course, he has always believed in God. Never mind that there are people who struggle with their faith and come out stronger for it. This is an example of a huge character FAIL. Other then my beef with this, I do find this conversation interesting and am pleased that Meyer has actually brought it up in here, you don't find this talk in many vampire books. Sadly, it ends.
Afraid that we're talking about something other then Edward for a change, Meyer quickly brings it back from Carlisle and faith to Edward and how what he feels about this is what is keeping him from changing Bella (that selfish jerk) and then Carlisle starts talking about Edward's mother and how he found Edward. While I find the story to be a tad melodramatic/Lifetime of the movie weekish, it is kind of intriguing. It makes me wonder what Edward did before he was a vampire. I mean, were his parents rich or poor? Did he have lots of friends or was he always anti-social?
But rather then answer these actual interesting questions, Edward arrives to take Bella home. Boo. It was getting good for a moment there. She says her good-byes to Esme and Alice and they leave. There's this STUPID start of a conversation where I have to shake my head at Bella/Meyer's logic:

I cringed at his remoteness. "Tell me you forgive me."
From New Moon, Chapter 2

Seriously, any sane person would have realized by now it wasn't their fault. It was one of those things. But I've sort of come to the conclusion that Bella has a lot of pshycotic issues (dependency, martryism, bitchiness to name a few) so I'm really not that surprised at this. See, little things like this keep me from enjoying what would have otherwise been a decent chapter. I also find it ironic again that EDWARD is telling BELLA to quit being melodramatic. This from the guy who said in the last chapter he had thought of ways to commit suicide should Bella have died and all those times he tells Bella over and over again "I'm dangerous, stay away!"
Anyway, they get to Bella's house, she briefly says hi to Charlie (who doesn't even blink at her arm, I like Charlie and all but seriously this is BAD PARENTING; I'm not even a parent and I can tell you that), and then goes to her bedroom and she and Edward open the rest of her presents.
Turns out Esme and Carlisle got her PLANE TICKETS. That's a seriously extravagant gift to give to your son's first girlfriend. I know they have cash to burn and all, but really? Miss Manners on gifting would seriously be raising an eyebrow at this. Then it's time for Edward's gift and he got her a CD that he recorded that was of himself playing his own music. This is kind of romantic and kind of egotistical at the same time. But it is sweet and about the closest these two come to being an actual teenage couple so I'll let it go.
So, they make out (completely disgregarding Charlies rules there, way to respect your dad Bella; why is this girl considered a great role model again?); it becomes urgent and of course, Edward stops before they go too far. He leaves and Bella has a nagging feeling something is wrong. Dun. Dun. DUN. Sorry, had to put it there, because it seriously might as well be there.

WORD LIST: tourniquet

HYPHAN/DASH COUNT: 26

POSSIBLE EDITS: Alice was there.-This is not only a stupid sentence to start a paragraph with I'm not even sure if it can be considered a sentence, it looks like a fragment actually), but it's pointless and not necessary. Please cut from story entirely.
Carlisle's black bag was already on the table, a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall.-This should be split, as it makes no sense the way it was used. Instead there should be a period after table, and then it should say: a small, but brilliant, desk light was plugged into the wall.

GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Roselie, her devine face strangely smug-How can you be strangely smug? Anyone?
he nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door.-How do you sprint smoothly through a door? Unless that door happens to be like the ones on the Enterprise or something. Plus, the way it's described I keep picturing Edward prancing girlishly.I'm going to call this bad description use. Although the image it gave me in my head was funny.

NEW MOON: Chapter 1-Party

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella is turning eighteen and hates it cause that means she's getting SO OLD, she and Edward watch Romeo and Juliet and totally miss the point of it, and then she gets a surprise party (that she hates) and gets cut...by wrapping paper and the Cullens go nuts over the wee drop of blood. Any hope I had for this book possibly being better is pretty much dashed as well.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS/GENERAL STUFF:
We open with Bella dreaming. See, she's sure she's dreaming because 1) it's sunny and 2) that's her dead grandmother in front of her. Personally, I would think the dead lady would be more of a giveaway then sun, but that's apparently just me. Then suddenly, Edward is there and as always, is sparkly. Bella is immediately worried about explaining this to her grandmother. Um...if you're sure this is a dream, then why the hell are you worried about explaining something to a dead person in your dream? I'm just saying.
Then, to her shock, Edward goes to the old lady and wishes her happy birthday. Oh noes, that old lady is HER! How horrible! She's so OLD! Bella is horrified at this when she wakes up. God, not even five pages into this (I'm guessing, remember, I'm reading kindle version) and I'm already pissed off at Bella. Were I a senior citizen I'd be highly offended by this. Being old is not horrible. It's maybe a little incovenient, what with health problems and all but obviously, Bella does not care about that, she is clearly more concerned that getting old will make her look...old. For crying out loud, she's searching for wrinkles in the mirror when she's only turning EIGHTEEN. God, shallow bitch much Bella? The fact that I'm already getting pissed off at this girl a few pages in, is not a good sign.
Anyway, Bella leaves quickly and is annoyed that her dad gave her presents even though she told him not too. Yes, what a jerk he is, getting his daughter gifts. Vivid description as Bella drives to school and again as she sees Edward and thinks that her dream did not do him justice. I notice that Meyer did not bother with description for Bella in this book, but happily does so for Edward and the Cullens. Just so we know who the real important people are, you know. Even though last I checked, a book that was in first person pov was supposed to be about that person, not the hot guy she's lusting after. I'm thinking Meyer has realized that she made Bella so boring and annoying that she decided to focus on the Cullens and others instead.
Anyway, Bella has arrived at school and is annoyed that they continue to wish her happy birthday. So evidently six months have passed and Bella has clearly not grown out of her selfish bitchy ways. The Cullens are dead or have died young, so probably they realize how important life is and that birthdays are special occasions that should be celebrated. So get off your freaking high horse and let them celebrate your birthday, Bella.
Alice has conviently had a vision about what presents Bella got and she is annoyed by this. We also get this:

Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. "Of course
you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your
way, Bella."
From New Moon, Chapter 1

Um...wow, Meyer must have had some really great birthdays in the past. Also, how the hell is this different from the usual way Bella is treated? Everyone freaking loves her and she always gets her way most of the time to begin with. Meyer has inadvertedly pointed this out and she probably doesn't even know it.
Anway, Bella laments that she is now a year older then Edward. Now this is where I get annoyed again because Meyer/Bella is trying to make it out to be like she's being this big cougar or something the older she gets. Edward has been around over ninety years or so. He is technically old enough to be her great-great something grandfather. If anyone is being a pedophile here it's HIM. She has no reason to be concerned about this, therefore this is dumb. She should be more concerned about the fact that she is dating a guy who is almost a hundred years older then she is. But of course, since Edward is perfect, there isn't anything wrong with what HE'S doing. I am further pissed off that Bella is still annoyed that her boyfriend
won't change her:

I couldn't really see Edward's point, to be honest. What was so great about
mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing-not the way
the Cullens did it, anyway.
From New Moon, Chapter 1

WHY is this book being hailed as a great book for Christians to read? What's so great about mortality? Last I checked, the Christians had a belief that life was the greatest gift God gave us. But Bella-Sue doesn't care about that. She just wants to bang her boyfriend for eternity. Also, there are plenty of things that are bad about being a vampire or did she totally forget that homicidal vampire she met six months ago? Or how about the whole blood thing? I would think a girl who is supposedly terrified of blood would not want to be a vampire because oh yeah, you have to live off of blood. Also, did she not get the whole thing about being tempted to kill humans?
Okay, back to the book. There's arguing over Bella coming over to the Cullens and Edward finally says he'll watch Romeo and Juliet with her and then they'll go over to the Cullens. There's note how no one stares at them anymore, even though they probably didn't stare to begin with but whatever. Mike is also evidently okay with it now, but Bella notes he's changed his appearance and scoffs at him because he's clearly trying to emulate Edward and no one can hope to look as wonderful as him. Because you know, Edward owns the messy hair look. That Harry Potter guy? Yeah, he's trying to copy Edward too.
Bella apparently hates attention (even though all her actions suggest otherwise) and there is talk that apparently Bella has a job! There is no mention as to what that job IS. Also, we finally learn that Renee is apparently a kindegarten teacher. Um what? My impression of Renee was anything BUT a teacher. I just can't picture her as one, she's so damn flaky and if she can't even use an authoratative voice on BELLA how the hell does she manage a room full of kids? Also, I'm sorry, but teachers and police chiefs are not exactly hard knock life in the cash department. My grandmother was a teacher and she has made a damn fine living on it. Likewise with other teachers I've known. So I'm sorry if I don't get why Bella is suddenly lamenting that she's evidently a poor child. Also, if Renee is a teacher I would assume she values education, so I would assume she had made Bella's vacation fund early and had a lot in it. By the time I was eighteen I had enough to pay for the first few years of college and that was even after dipping into it a bit to pay for a trip in high school. So, yeah, several things about Bella's supposed money woes don't click. Especially since they evidently had plenty of money to send Bella to dance school and music lessons. Dance schools are expensive. So are music lessons.
Then of course, this brings up Edward's financial status and of course, he's rich. It's nothing he actually earned though. See, Alice? Can predict stocks. This unfortunately further makes Alice's visions look like crap. Because according to Bella/Meyer a few pages ago, her gift is based on people making decisions. Stocks are not based on decisions. They are based on how many items people are buying at a given time and many other things I don't really get, but I can tell you it is not based on decisions. Likewise, weather? Not based on decisions. So I'm sorry, but Meyer saying they're based on decisions is crap.
We get a whole paragraph on the status of the unimportant, yet more interesting, side characters. Angela and Ben are still dating, Mide and Jessica apparently have broken up, there's some new guy named Conner who I don't know and don't remember from the last book but he's in there, Lauren is still a bitch because she isn't magically Bella's friend and Bella can't bother to take the time to befriend her like a normal person. That would be actual work in a relationship, you see. Bella also clearly still does not think much of her friends because they supposedly ostracize the Cullens. Okay, yeah on one hand maybe they do. But on the other, Alice and Edward could make and actual EFFORT to befriend these people instead of sitting at the end of the table and not talking to people. If they don't want to appear intimidating and treated differently then maybe they could chat with normal people and put an actual effort in to be friends, until they do, they probably aren't going to be befriended because they'll continue to be seen as arrogant. Which, frankly, they are.
Anyway, school ends, and Bella drives home with Edward (there is arguement over whether he drives or not, I'm sorry but it's HER CAR, general rule of thumb is that people drive their own cars). Corny kissing scene and I really have to roll my eyes. These two have been together six months, right? Generally after six months, most teenagers lose that "my lover is perfect" glow. Six months have given the couple time to realize, no the other is not pefect and depending on the relationship those flaws either strengthen or weaken it. But no, Bella is still in that "Edward is perfect, Edward is God" phase. Actually, I think it's gotten worse since the last book. One more reason that this book series "romance" is not realistic.
So, anyway, sappy scene where they watch Romeo and Juliet. We get Edward's commentary on Romeo and frankly it might as well be Meyer saying "my Edward is so much more better then this guy!" and as usual she completely misses the point. Romeo and Juliet? SATIRE. This was Shakespeare's way of commenting on how foolish all the young people being in love and rushing into marriage in his time was. It is outrageous because it's MEANT to be outrageous in order to make a point. Also, even if it's not satire (some people dispute this I think), it is definitely a tragedy. So, yeah, Romeo would destroy his own happiness. That is what is so damn tragic about it! That's what a tragic play IS! I'm sorry, but I thought Meyer was a LITERATURE MAJOR? Did she skip class the day they discussed it or something? I'm beginning to think so.
Edward then laments over the fact that being a vampire doesn't make it as easy for him to be killed...unlike that guy who got killed in the last book. I can already think of a few ways Edward might die using Meyer's methods. Edward clearly isn't trying hard enough. Anyway, Edward mentions the Volturi, and in what is so not an epic foreshadow (note sarcasm) explains that they are an old and powerful family that pretty much rules the vampires.
So then Charlie appears and Bella is disappointed when her dad gives permission for her to go to the Cullens (again, what a jerk!). Cutesy clutzy!Bella moment with her new camera, and they leave. Edward finally tells Bella to stop being a selfish bitch to which I applaud, it's about time someone told her when she's being one. There's mention that Roselie and Emmet are back (from Africa of all places, you guys figure that one out, you tell me please) and Roselie still doesn't like her; that harpy. They get to the Cullens house (insert vivid description) and Bella groans when she sees decorations and it's clear that they are having a party for her, those jerks.
So, present time! Somehow, Bella manages to get her finger SLICED by...wrapping paper. I'm sorry, WHAT? What the hell kind of wrapping paper did these guys use? I've never in my life gotten sliced by wrapping paper. Small little paper cut, MAYBE, but the kind of cut Meyer's talking about? No. Know why? The edges of wrapping paper? DULL. Especially when you consider the way Bella said she opened the package I have to shake my head in disbelief at this. I mean, at least say she was holding a letter opener or something. That would be more believable then THIS. But, nontheless, Bella gets sliced and the Cullens go nuts over her blood.

WORD LIST:quantifiable (bad word usage, meant for numbers not the situation she uses it in)

POSSIBLE EDITS: paragraph two is one large run-on sentence that needs to be chopped up and not a paragraph.
many of these hyphans should be commas or semi-colons.
It wasn't exactly as comfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chest being hard and cold-and perfect-as an ice sculpture, but it was definitely preferable.-First, there do not need to be any punctuation whatsoever between the words 'and perfect'. Actually, and perfect isn't even NEEDED because Meyer has already drilled into our skulls enough times that Edward is perfect, by now she's just being redundant.
He laughed. "I have to step out for a second"-he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice-"Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."-Meyer does this CONSTANTLY and it drives me crazy. Why? IT IS WRONG PUNCUATION. The kind you see in fanfics. Here is how it SHOULD look:
He laughed."I have to step out for a second," he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." Seriously, her book is FULL of this mistake and it drives me nuts.

HYPHAN COUNT: 73. Yeah, I could be wrong, but I'm thinking definant hyphan abuse, how about you guys?

GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Our mouths-hers a wizened pucker-spread into the same surprised half smile at just the same time. -wizened pucker? Seriously? You're using that to discribe someones MOUTH? Not to mention, it is not necessary to say her mouth was old and wrinkly, you could have just said they both smiled at the same time without being insulting about the old person. This is one of those cases where those hyphans should be commas as well.
The voice I'd walk through fir for-or less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for.-How is sloshing through cold and endless rain less dramatic then walking through fire? Please.
so how was I supposed to explain the fact that brilliant sunbeams were shattering off his skin-sunbeams do not SHATTER. They REFLECT LIGHT, they do not SHATTER.
Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime.-Peoples voices do not sound like COLORS, Meyer! Yes, it can sound like a wind chime, in that case just say it sounded like a wind chime. Do not use a COLOR to describe a SOUND. It's stupid.
I turned to give Edward a basilisk glare.-Now we're using ANIMALS to describe things. That sound you hear is me banging my head against a wall.