ECLIPSE: Chapter 15-Wager

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Meyer continues her mission to ruin Jacob's character as well as Charlie's character. Not much else happens.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We left off on the so not shocking confession of Jacob saying he loves Bella. But for some reason this actually DOES shock her and she's speechless. I'm sorry, how DUMB is this girl? She never once thought "oh, all that posturing with Edward is because he's jealous!" I mean what the hell? You'd have to be absolutely stupid not to realize the guy DIDN'T have a thing for you. Unless the girl has been living on her own without civilization her whole life there is no way a girl could NOT know that Jacob liked her. Meyer is just being DUMB with this. She is trying to make Bella look like an innocent party in all this and that she did not in fact lead Jacob on, it was just all Jacob's fault. Please Meyer. If Bella is as intelligent as you say, she knew exactly what was going on. Therefore you trying to make her out to be an innocent little lamb (who by the way a few chapters ago was pratically begging for sex so she's obviously not TOTALLY naive like you're trying to make her out to be all of a sudden) does NOT WORK.
But Jacob says he knows Bella doesn't feel the same and I thought okay, but then he goes into pressing her about how she feels about him. If he supposingly accepts she doesn't feel the same, he would've just said his peace so Bella knew and then left. But then that would make him out to be better then Edward and we can't have that, can we? So Meyer continues what seems to be the main purpose of this book: ruin the few good characters she actually has. She's done it with Roselie and Jasper and now it's Jacob's turn. Jacob continues to press Bella about his feelings, even at some point makes out the way he's feeling to be HER FAULT. Granted, I do think she had something to do with it this time, but this is classic sexist behavior: all those sexual dangerous feelings are always women running around in their track suits. It's always the woman's fault!
Then Meyer goes in for the kill: she has Jacob forcefully kiss Bella and she doesn't enjoy it one bit and then after punches him but ends up breaking her hand. Um, first...what? How the hell do you break your own hand punching someone? Give me a break. Even worse then this stupidity, is this:

"Ow! OW!" I screamed, frantically hopping up and down in agony while I clutched my hand to my chest. It was broken, I could feel it.
Jacob stared at me in shock. "Are you all right?"
"No, dammit! You broke my hand!"
"Bella, you broke your hand. Now stop dancing around and let me look at it."
From Eclipse, Chapter 15

WHAT. THE. HELL? SHE broke her hand? YOU are the one who FORCEFULLY KISSED HER and you're blaming her own broken hand that she got from retaliating ON HER? Just...every time I think this series can't get more ugly...it does. What's even worse is that if another author had been writing this he/she would have known this was not Jacob's character AT ALL. Like I said before he would have just had his say and then left to let Bella think about it and respected her decision. He certainly wouldn't have forced himself on her like this and then treat her injury that she got from retaliating like it was HER FAULT. But Meyer is Team Edward all the way. As far as she's concerned any possibility that Bella and Edward aren't the One True Couple every couple should aspire to be is horrible and therefore must be eliminated. So therefore all guys who have a romantic interest in Bella basically get their characters ruined in ways that the author will think make it so Edward looks like the far superior choice even though he's actually not that much better.
This also serves to make all Jacob's good points about the flaws in Bella and Edward's relationship obsolete because as it's coming from a jealous guy it has no merit (in Meyer's eyes anyway). Because after this Jacob goes on to point out flaws and how Bella has never even tried to be happy with him but because of this incident Bella basically doesn't listen to him (not that she did before, but now it might as well be Meyer saying the reader shouldn't listen to these outlandish claims either).
Jacob takes Bella home and even more further attempts are made to ruin Charlie's entire character:

"Why did she hit you?"
"Because I kissed her," Jacob said, unashamed.
"Good for you, kid," Charlie congratulated him.
From Eclipse, Chapter 15

Again, I say WHAT. THE. HELL? What Charlie actually would be saying is (in very dangerous voice) "and just why were you kissing my daughter when she apparently didn't want to be kissed?" Because that's what he really should have said but Meyer has decided Charlie is now a jerk as well because he's not all for Bella and Edward and therefore is now doing her best to make him into worst father ever but it doesn't work because in the first book and second book it's pretty clear he's actually a pretty cool guy. I mean I'm sorry, isn't he a cop? A cop would have been all over this in a second. Also, I thought Bella was complaining that he was overprotective? If he's overprotective he would have been upset about a guy kissing his daughter against his will right? But apparently I think too much and should just accept Meyer's word that we should now not like these two at all.
Then Edward arrives and there's more machoman "my dick is bigger then yours" moments between he and Edward. I so love this:

"if you return her to me in less than perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs."
From Eclipse, Chapter 15

Before all you Team Edward fans melt in the pile of goo Meyer expects you too, really look at that sentence for a minute. If you insert any object name into ther her parts the idea would still be the same. Basically, it's like Bella is a possession that Edward has and he's mad it's been damaged or it's like she's a toy the two idiots are fighting over. Also please notice that once again through all this Bella just stands there and lets Edward fight her battles. Where's that "I want us to be equals thing?
The title chapter turns out to be a pretty insignificant thing about a wager that Emmett and Jasper made so this chapter needs another title. Then Carlisle fixes Bella's hand and we get her prattling on about what being a vampire will be like. I'm sorry, she's JUST NOW THINKING ABOUT THIS? But of course, she thinks, it'll all be worth it and goes into how much she is sacrificing for it but considering all that stuff she's sacrificing she doesn't care about, it once more falls flat. End chapter.

WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Meyer purposely ruining characters so the reader will end up having no choice but to prefer Edward and Bella.
The complete and utter SEXISM going on with Jacob basically saying what happened was Bella's own fault.
How the hell do you BREAK A HAND by punching someone?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 14-Declaration

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Er...Bella's a whiny brat again and Jacob suddenly announces he's in love with Bella like this is all some big surprise to us...

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
All the excitement of impending war in last chapter? Poof, gone. Now we're back to pitiful filler. Sigh. Meyer can't pace worth a damn in these books. It starts off with Alice announcing the party is still on and Bella being an ungrateful brat about it again. More recycled scenes! Yay!
More talk that the people Jasper hung out with may be coming to help out ("uncivilized" people! Gasp!) Bella is super worried and then she's back on the "oh, change me! I'll be a big help! bandwagon. Meyer, correct me if I'm wrong but the chapter before last, Bella was freaking out and saying she wasn't ready to change no? So freaked out she and Edward agreed to delay it! Yet now she's all rearing to go again? For god sakes, MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Either she's okay with it, or she's NOT okay with it. Having her be okay with it one minute and not the next is STUPID. It is also frankly dragging this book. We all know she's going to be a Super Vamp one day. Having her fake wrestle with the decision is not intriguing, it's annoying.
Then it turns out to Renee calling somehow and Phil had a accident on the ball field apparently. Um...just earlier you were saying he's a teacher, now he's a ball player again? WHICH IS IT? Or does he have two jobs? Make up your damn mind! But obviously it's not important I mean, even Bella can't be bothered to listen to her mother's worries because she's too busy concentrating on her boyfriend. God this girl is so selfish I want to SHAKE HER. HARD.
After that annoying phone call they kiss. Talk of school, more whining about the party and one bad transition later it's the next day and she's had all her finals. Being a Mary Sue she aced them (but as she's a woman she has to give credit to Edward because all her A's are his doing) and they go to drop Bella off at La Push. More obvious trying to make Jacob look bad on Meyer's part (now he's suddenly an impolite person). Jacob is arguing with Sam apparently (what happened to the wolf pack agreeing to help Bella out?), mere mention of Sue Clearwater having issues with her kids now that Harry's gone. Bella invites Jacob to the party she doesn't want. Thinks about end of school and other pointless stuff. Basically it's all rehashing of stuff we already know or have figured out on our own. MOVE ON PLEASE. Then Jacob wakes up and drops the bomb: he's in love with Bella. Um...duh?
I would just like to note we are now halfway through the book and here's all that's happened:
Bella is graduating and Alice is throwing her a party
Newborns are being created and looks like they're after the Cullens
Bella has started to make friends with Jacob and the wolf pack again
We've learned Roselie's, Jasper's, and the Wolf Tribe's backstory

That's it...the end. All these pages and those are the major things that have happened so far HALFWAY THROUGH THE BOOK. Just...really? These aren't even really important plot points in the series either. Really the only major thing going down is the creation of newborns. All the rest is just mindless filler that doesn't even drive the main plot. Just...how does she do this and then have the nerve to pass this off as great literature?

WORD LIST: None
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: It felt like February, not May.-Um...it's not May either or did Meyer miss the fact that it's JUNE now? Hence the graduation?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 13-Newborn

CHAPTER SUMMARY: We learn Jasper's backstory, it's terribly uninteresting and terribly racist at the same time and it kind of makes me not like Jasper that much now. Long story short: newborn army being created that is possibly after the Cullens. La di da. Figured this out on my own.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Some people have probably heard that Twilight is racist (I've even mentioned in my blog that it's slightly racist) and Twihards are probably denying it with every breath in their body. Yet, how can they overlook the fact that the number of minoritys in these books can be counted on your hands? Or that the minoritys present are terribly stereotyped (see Ben, see La Push inhabitants). Also notice, there are no black people in this. Not a one. Before you all point to Laurent...he was black IN THE MOVIES. He's not black in the books and even then he's the bad guy so black people=evil. Tyler was also not black either just so you know. Then there's the obvious favortism/double standard that Bella gives the Cullens as opposed to the Wolf Pack. The Cullens are all sophisticated and wonderful whereas she sees the Wolf Pack as wild and uncivilized (but grows to love them despite this, according to her anyway). Then...there's THIS chapter.
I was all set to hear Jasper's back story. I've been rather curious about him and how he and Alice met and got together and sadly it all turns out to be racist and boring and sexist too.
Jasper goes into how explaining how not all the covens are like the Cullens (duh, we know) and how not all like the rules that the Volturi set up. These covens are more bloodthirsty and uncivilized and where do they reside you ask? The southern hemisphere, aka South America, Africa. Probably Austrailia too. In other words places that aren't North America and Europe. These covens who reside in the North are the "civilized" covens. Who abide by the rules and are all together decent folk. Don't even try and tell me this isn't thinly veiled racism and if it isn't, it's most definitely ignorance on Meyer's part because I can't believe she or the editors reading this didn't pick up on this glaring issue. Probably all of them are white. But that's no excuse, I myself am white and am raising an eyebrow at this.
Even if it's not the intended racism that I'm picking up, Jasper is most definitely being racist by saying all these covens are the same and are dangerous and uncivilized as opposed to the ones in the North who are all civilized and wonderful. Either way, the way Meyer is painting this picture reeks of black and white mentality with no moral gray areas and lumping people together and I don't like it and can't believe more Twihards don't take issue with this. It does however explain why there are few fans of Twilight who are minoritys. Don't believe me? Look any picture taken of screaming fans of Twihards sometime. My guess is you'll be able to count the minoritys on one hand, maybe both if you're lucky.
Moving on from the nastyness of this subject because it'll make me get angry all over again, Jasper goes on to relate what we already know: newborns are dangerous and out of control. These "uncivilized" covens in the South used newborns to take over territory and start wars and such, some how Volturi had no control over this (considering they reside in Europe, color me shocked). Jasper was evidently turned in 1961 after he joined the Confederate Army (and notice no big deal is made of the fact he joined an army known for condoning slavery). Anyway, long story short, he was helping the army when three women show up and decide he'll make a wonderful vamp (he's not afraid of them cause they're WOMEN, you know?) and he's turned. Even when saying they're beautiful there's racist junk in the description:

"They had such pale skin. I remember marveling at it. Even the little black-haired girl, whose features were clearly Mexican, was porcelain in the moonlight."
From Eclipse, Chapter 13

Yes, even a mexican girl is beautiful, imagine that! Though I love how it's implied she's beautiful because her skin is now pale. UGH. So Jasper goes around reaking havoc with these women, taking over territory and whatnot until...he gets sick of it or something. So he goes north (the "civilized" country) and meets up with Alice who naturally had a vision of them being together and thus they are together. I love how Meyer doesn't bother with blossoming romance in these books. The people see each other and boom, that's it. That's the way it was for Esme and Carlisle, for Roselie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, and Bella and Edward, and even the wolf pack gets insta-soulmates!
So the Cullens decide well now they have to go up against the newborns because it appears they're after the Cullens (I'm still fuzzy about WHY THEY DIDN'T DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE). Volturi won't be any help because Aro wants them killed so he can have Edward and Alice in his group (Edward apparently saw this when he was in Italy and is just now bringing it up...okay). So Carlisle calls up the Denali clan, but opps, turns out the leader isn't happy that the wolf pack killed Laurent and now holds a grudge against the wolf pack for killing him. Chapter ends with Bella realizing there's going to be a fight. Finally, some excitement...

WORD LIST: None
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: the ignorant/or possibly deliberate outright racism going on in this chapter.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 12-Time

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Graduation party is planned, Bella is not grateful as usual. Bella freaks out about it being too soon to graduation and therefore she and Edward postpone her turning, I'm wondering when the plot is going to move forward.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So bad time transition once more, because suddenly we're at school. Meyer attempts (and fails again) to have humor in these books by way of Alice. Then she drops a bomb: she's throwing a graduation party for Bella! I know, what a rotten friend, right? Also in all of this, Bella realizes she's graduating in a WEEK! She's shocked and so am I because in the beginning of this book I was under the impression it was like maybe April/Mayish but no, turns out it's the end of the school year. Which...I'm sorry how can YOU NOT KNOW THIS WHEN YOU'RE A SENIOR? The fact Bella doesn't a) have senioritis like all seniors do, and b) didn't even know she was graduating in a week is just...stupid. Frankly I think Meyer decided halfway through writing this she wanted the graduation in there and therefore just randomly put this in and expects us to buy that a senior is not going to realize she is graduating in a week. Having been a senior twice (in high school and college) I can tell you THIS IS MORONIC.
But whatever, it's in there and now Bella's freaking out over something she knew was coming eventually so I'm having a hard time figuring out this sudden meltdown but it's Twilight so logic has no place here. Even Bella kind of acknowledges in her freak out that she's being stupid.
More thinking as she and Edward and Alice leave school and Edward asks what she's thinking. Then for once Edward shows some consideration and thoughtfulness and says she's not ready (uh...DUH) and then says to wait till all the stuff with Victoria is over instead of graduation. But Bella still protests (I'm also scratching my head a little because wasn't she all ready to go and be a vamp like two chapters ago?) and then this turns out into yet another Edward going "I'm dangerous and not good enough for you" moment. God, now you're recycling scenes from YOUR FIRST BOOK. I'd thought we'd had moved past this conflict but apparently not.
Then Bella realizes Edward thinks he's being selfish. Um...yeah he kind of is. But of course Bella assures him he's not (again, we've had this scene). Then it moves back to the marriage issue and Edward whines about her not wanting to marry him. She whines "But it'll look bad to everyone in this town!" God, first we've had this scene too and second WHY DO YOU SUDDENLY CARE WHAT THE TOWN THINKS? Seriously, she has not given one lick about the people of Forks (including her so-called friends) but suddenly she cares now. Also excuse me while I laugh about her saying she's responsible and mature and therefore shouldn't get married young. HAH. She is not mature (I think she's a pretentious spoiled brat myself). I also have seen very little evidence of responsibility as most of the chores she does she has pretty much taken upon herself. Charlie has never once told her to do something in these books and then she goes and does it. Plus, Meyer is once again making grand stereotypes about young marriage. I know most marriages out of high school don't work out but there are also a few that DO. Those few that do have lasted over forty years too and the people in those marriages are TEN times more mature then Bella and Edward.
Then Edward goes on about how in his time that's how it was done and frankly all this talking goes no where.
Bad transition (where Bella actually studies for a test! First time I've seen this so called Ivy League school material do so) and we get her looking at an article about the Seattle killings. Now apparently everyone thinks it's a serial killer and frankly the article doesn't read like a news piece at all and that's probably because Meyer can't write in any voice but her own.
Edward shows up again after she's finished and now their worried about it again. Question, if the Cullens are supposedly these great humanitarians, why didn't they do something when they first suspected there was a newborn on the loose? You would think they would worry about the humans and would have decided to send one of them right away right? But no, now their "going to do something about it" after who knows how many people have been killed. Some humanitarians.
Once more Bella ditches school and they go to see Jasper for some reason. Okay. All the Cullens gather (again, Esme expresses concern about innocent human life, WHY DIDN'T THEY DO ANYTHING BEFORE????) and this leads to Jasper apparently knowing something that will shed light on newborn behavior...or something he knows that is important. This all leads to Jasper starting to tell his story. Oh...intrigue. Though it's probably going to be more fudging of history like Roselie's story...

WORD LIST: petulantly
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I exhaled in a big gust.-Huh? She exhaled twice? She exhaled really long? What?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 11-Legends

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Billy tells ancient stories that while kind of cool...don't really add anything to Eclipse. So this is once more a pointless chapter.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella at the barbecue and the boys being...boys have a large appetite. Cute moment with Paul and Jacob and a hot dog is ruined by Bella's constant inferiority complex:

Hanging out with no one but extremely dexterous people all the time was going to give me a complex.
From Eclipse, Chapter 11

Bella...you already have one. You already clearly feel you and your kind are inferior to these god-like creatures. You also already have a ton more issues but I'm moving on. Though I will say simply catching a hot dog is nothing to really feel inferior about. Any normal human can catch a hot dog.
We get a flashback to a couple of minutes ago (why didn't she just start out with this?) where Bella is warmly greeted (naturally, she is a Mary Sue and thus no one will feel any resentment towards her whatsoever).
People there are the pack, Billy, Quil's grandfather who Bella charmingly decribes as ancient and brittle (way to respect your elders honey), Sue Clearwater and her kids, Leah and Seth. We get pondering on Leah's situation and I love how Bella just naturally assumes she knows how these practical strangers feel, and how Leah feels and pretty much just sits there and judges a situation she is not a part of and has no right to judge. Hell, she even goes and comments on Jared's girlfriend's plainness (which is rich coming from a girl who is apparently plain herself) and pointing out her flaws but then goes on to say how being in love makes her beautiful and now she totally understands how imprinting is not wrong. Whatever, Bella. I also would like to comment on how Bella focuses on LOOKS throughout this. Seriously, this girl is supposed to not care about that, right? Yet she goes on to comment about Emily's ugly scars and it being justice (what the hell?! Because now she's not as beautiful that somehow makes Leah feel okay?!) and then going on about how Kim is plain but then suddenly seeing her as beautiful and that suddenly making imprinting all right. If she supposedly DOESN'T care about looks, she'd be commenting instead on how happy the couples are not what the women look like (I notice she doesn't devote nearly as much time into caring whether or not the men are hot). Also, I don't care how beautiful imprinting supposedly makes them look, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR CHOICE.
Anyway, Billy starts to tell the history of the wolf pack (for some reason Emily is taking notes...why?). I will say I found the stories somewhat interesting. It's the first time in this book, something hasn't ticked me off. Granted, it was all very lackluster and not very relevent (and not very logical but it's a mythlogy story so I kind of am letting that go). Then it moves on to the cold ones. I will not go into these overly long stories (accept for a eye roll at Bella for being scared at one point and doing the gender stereotyping YET AGAIN, god Meyer, you can't just let it go for one chapter can you?) just know there's sacrifice (of a woman of course) and the cold one got defeated (she was also a woman by the way).
I now want to comment on something that irritates me. In the beginning of this chapter Bella simply calls Leah by her first name. But then after all the beauty commentary she's suddenly relagated to Leah Clearwater but all the other members of the tribe are still called by their first name. Why is that? Let me guess, Bella made a judgement somewhere in there and found Leah lacking and therefore decides she needs to be called by her full name instead of her first name like everyone else. Or Meyer made the judgement. Whatever, it's annoying.
Bella goes home after, with Edward of course. Has a vivid dream about Roselie and Billy fighting (I see we're back to the dream sthick Meyer) and wakes to find Edward reading Wuthering Heights. More lack of subtlty as Meyer once again tries to make her book out to be on the caliber as Wuthering Heights (it's NOT, Wuthering Heights was a) Well written, and b) Had a point to it) and then even tries to make allusions between Edward and Heathcliffe. Well, I do give on this. They are both jerks, and obsessive, and controlling. The difference is, Bronte knew there were flaws in her characters and didn't try to make them out to be wonderful magnificent male leads that all men should aspire to be. Whereas Meyer...well, you've all read the books I'm assuming so you know as far as she's concerned her characters are perfect.
Edward leaves and Bella goes, no he's in no way like Heathcliff and chapter ends.

WORD LIST: dexterous, brittle, adulation
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: how the shape of her lips was a perfect double curve,-What? What the hell is a perfect double curve? And how does that suddenly make her beautiful as opposed to a few seconds ago?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 10-Scent

CHAPTER SUMMARY:...Nothing really happens in this chapter so I'm not sure if it even NEEDS a summary...Basically they talk more about who could have been in Bella's room (again, why do we CARE?) and Bella manages to get her man to let her out of her own house.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So excitement time! Jacob is coming over to do...something. Edward leaves because he and Jacob can't be in each other's presence and I actually think this is quite wise on his part but Bella thinks it's all childish. We get a random description of hot Jacob which goes into some awkward conversation and wierdness about something about the wolves needing to carry around their cloths...okay. Please note, this huge problem was never once mentioned in New Moon, you would think the problem of cloths would have been brought up as Jacob was shifting in front of Bella and other people in there...
But it deterioates from there into Jacob trying to flirt and Bella going "oh noes! I've led him astray with my oogling!" and then Meyer assuring everyone that no, she is in no way attracted to Jacob. Whatever. Jacob goes into her room makes a few rude comments about the smells (is it me or is Meyer trying really too hard to pass Jacob off as a jerk to make Edward look better?). Then...nothing new is discovered. Great.
Then Jacob asks all these awkward questions that are honestly none of his busineess. I love this gem:

"Well...I was wondering do you...y'know, kiss him?"
From Eclipse, Chapter 10

Good lord Meyer, Jacob is not FIVE. I'm sure he's quite aware by now that boys and girls kiss when they are a couple. I know you are Team Edward. That much is obvious. Please stop trying to sway everyone else to be. Oh, and the joke about Edward having no fangs? Only proves my point that the CULLENS ARE NOT VAMPIRES. Because Vampires? HAVE FANGS.
Jacob then once again gets upset about the mentioning of Bella's change and I'm wondering how many more times we're going to see the same scene over and over again: Jacob trying to talk to Bella about this, her ignoring him, him getting upset about something THAT HE KNEW WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. Seriously, this is like the third time this scene has played out in this book alone. MOVE ON MEYER.
Somehow in his anger Jacob cuts himself with a knife (real smart there banging around cutlry) and Bella's nausea around blood resurfaces all of a sudden (remember how it was almost nonexistant in New Moon?) and she plays caring female stereotype to Jacob's bleeding hero stereotype. Wow. Meyer leaves no romantic cliche unturned in these books.
But turns out Jacob heals really fast (another thing that seems to be new with the werewolves) and Bella goes about cleaning because she is a female, though Meyer tries to make it out like she has OCD. Um...no. If she had OCD, she'd be constantly cleaning, her room would not be a mess, she'd probably also have a fear of germs. She'd be like Emma on Glee, constantly rubbing/cleaning things because messes bother her (yes, I'm Gleek and I think even when the show's at it's cheesiest it's better then this crap). So, no sorry Meyer, her being OCD does not fly or camoflauge your gender stereotyping.

We get more of Jacob acting like a jerk and then we get this:
He made a noise at the back of his throat. "Is he your warden, now, too? You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and-"
From Eclipse, Chapter 10

Yes, he actually said what I've been thinking all along: this relationship is controlling and vastly unhealthy and while not abusive yet, has the signs of going there. I'm actually a little shocked Meyer even mentioned it. But I'm not so shocked that she ignored it as well by having Bella dismiss Jacob as being ridiculous when HE HAS A POINT.
My theory about why this is here? Meyer probably heard the criticism people were giving about Bella and Edward's creepy relationship and needing to stamp down those rumors fast because they might make her fans you know, think for themselves as they reread the book, put this in here as a joke in order to make fans not take the legit questioning seriously. Because you know, as far as the fans are concerned if Bella doesn't like it or take it seriously then they themselves (who are Bella as they are reading this) won't listen to it either. Sadly it seems to have worked. Want proof? Go to any Twihard forum. In fact I think there's a discusion somewhere on TwiMoms.com about the how ridiculous it all is that people think Bella and Edward have a unhealthy relationship. Sigh.
So that inturruption on the quote was Bella kicking him out and then Edward comes back and is a jerk making light about Jacob stabbing himself. Please note, the pro-werewolf stance seems to have disapeared. Then he hands her an envelope and oh joy, oh rapture, our Mary Sue got into Dartmouth! But is she super thrilled about it? No. In fact, she's almost downright angry about it. Just seriously, are you kidding me?
First, I want to go into the utter Mary Sueness of Bella getting into one of the toughest schools in the country without any extra curricular activities whatsoever. Or even apparently any studying. Seriously, I've never once seen Bella care about school enough that she would be accepted to Dartmouth in the first place. Most kids who go to these Ivy League schools have busted their butts to get in there. They have a intimidating GPA, they have their careers planned out since at least Middle School, they have a buttload of extra curriculars like Clubs or whatnot. Oh, and when they get accepted, THEY ARE HAPPY ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT'S A BIG DEAL.
When have we seen Bella do any of the above? Oh yeah, NEVER. Yeah, she reads...apparently. But I've never once heard her mention any clubs, any future career plans, anything that would even suggest that she is Ivy League material yet she magically gets in there and she doesn't have the decency to get excited about it. Never mind all those other kids who probably busted their butt and actually CARE about their education. God, this annoys me so much. I need to move on...
The ungrateful brat moves on to her much grander plans: abandoning her family and going to a state school in Alaska to give up her soul to be with her boyfriend. I have mentioned what a wonderful role model Bella is NOT haven't I? I have? Good. After these wonderful inspiring plans, we yet again go back to the pointless scent business and then it's moved onto the fact that there may now be more then one new vamp in Seattle. Now, this is actually a problem because this might mean the Volturi will come and check in on Bella. Um...how would they hear about killings in Seattle and immediately assume new vampires, and then immediately assume Bella has something to do with it and check up on her? Meyer is doing the leaps in logic thing again...
More babble and it turns out Bella gets persmission from her guy to hang out with her friend. Who says chilvery is dead, right? She goes to ride her bike and oh look! Edward has gotten a bike too! For some reason Bella has an issue with this. This is obviously Edward trying to gain more control over Bella (and I also think it's another example of "my dick is bigger!", cause you know bigger more expensive bike means better right?) because he can't let Bella have one thing he isn't apart of. She on the other hand is just worried that she'll slow him down. Meyer...just...UGH.
They get to La Push, another obvious "my dick is bigger!" moment with Edward kissing Bella in La Push and then quickly leaving. She and Jacob go inside. Oh, the suspense! Sigh.

WORD LIST: loped, consternation
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Is he your warden, now, too?-There does not need to be an extra comma after warden.
"Edward!" I sang, throwing mysef at him.-a) why are you singing in a normal conversation? b)You just saw him a few minutes ago, you twit, c) it's physically impossible to throw yourself at someone. Launch yourself, sure, but throw yourself? Not really.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 9-Target

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella discovers her sweatshirt is missing and it's turned into a huge crisis....what?

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella's kidnappers dropping her off and she's mad at Jacob still and is mad at Charlie for not being mad at Jacob (yes, Charlie is yet again made out to be a jerk in this, I'm getting tired of this Meyer). Bella goes to do laundry and evidently she's the only one who does it in the house. Way to gender stereotype again, Meyer. Then she goes into her room to discover...her sweatshirt is gone. Dun. Dun. DUN. Sorry, but I had to put it in there.
Somehow Edward senses this (or he's being stalkery again) and is at the door and for some damn reason they think it's the VOLTURI. Um...a) Why would the Volturi care about Bella's shirt? and b)They're in ITALY and I thought they had short memory or whatever and wouldn't bother checking in on Bella? Edward immediately coming to this conclusion negates his passe attitude in New Moon, doesn't it?
We get more of Jerk!Charlie as I'm calling this new version of Charlie as the two leave and gather the up Emmett, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, and Alice. Where Roselie is I don't know but apparently she's not important enough to be at this meeting despite the supposed bonding between the two in Chapter 7. Edward goes off unfairly into Alice and we get this lovely:

Carlisle interrupted in a calming voice. "It's not an exact science, Edward."
From Eclipse, Chapter 9

Yet, in the previous books we're told it IS. Meyer even says there's a method to it. No all of a sudden (because it's convenient for the author no doubt) it's actually not an exact science? For God sakes Meyer, make up your mind! Either there is a method to this or there isn't. Or you really are just making this stuff up as you go which is what I'm thinking is really going on which is fine, just don't sit there and try to tell me there actually is logic to all this when it's pretty clear there isn't.
There's a lot of the Cullens arguing back and forth and Bella shuddering helplessly. I'm sorry, what happened to that crap about her wanting to be equal? Just because she's not a vampire yet doesn't mean she can't state her opinion just as much as the Cullens. Of course, Bella takes the oppurtunity to go "turn me already!" and the Cullens are all no. Sigh.
Poor helpless kitten is brought home, she's a bitch to Charlie again after he says Jacob called and Edward sings her to sleep. Cut to next morning and Bella decided to forgive Jacob because you know she's such a decent person and Edward agrees cueing this stupid thing:

"I knew you'd forgive him," he said with an easy smile. "Holding grudges is not one of your many talents."
I rolled my eyes, but I was pleased. It seemed like Edward really was over the whole anti-werewolf thing.
From Eclipse, Chapter 9

Um...what? Where in that sentence did she get that Edward was over being a jerk to the werewolves? All I got was "yes, once again I was right." and that's about it. Sure, he's letting her call him but I didn't really get that he was now suddenly over being anti-werewolf and was all for them. Jeez, way to make a leap, Bella/Meyer.
So Bella calls Jacob and he gushes about how sorry he is (at least he apologizes which is more then I've seen either Bella or Edward do). Then Edward want to talk to him over the phone and the two have a conversation concerning Bella. Never once asking for her input I notice. Seriously they're all "we should do this and this and this, and Bella will go here and there and blah blah". Never once is she asked her opinion on the matter nor does she actually voice her opinion on the matter. So much for that being equals thing.
Well all the talking basically is that the vamps and werewolves are going to cooperate now that they have a common enemy. Jacob talks to Bella some more and yet another boring chapter ends. I'm still trying to figure out what everybody is freaking out over.

WORD LIST: slovenly
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Charlie is once more being made out to be the bad guy and Bella is generally a brat to him in this chapter.