NEW MOON: Chapter 10-The Meadow

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Something besides mindless dialogue actually happens! Then it goes back to boring again. Sigh.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
It starts out with Bella being amazingly worried about Jacob and calling him up like a thousand times a week or so. Um...gee, Bella. Do you NOT have a life? I understand you're worried about him and that's great that you're finally worried about someone else besides you and Edward but seriously. Also I have to comment on this:

All I knew about mono was that you were supposed to get it from kissing, which was clearly not the case with Jake.
From New Moon, Chapter 10

First, you don't get mono from just kissing and it's been heavily disputed that you get it by kissing in the first place. That is a stupid schoolyard myth made up and used by bullies to tease couples. Do some actual research Meyer. Second, how does Bella know Jacob hasn't been kissing someone? They weren't mutually exclusive nor, are they spending every waking hour together so how does she know Jacob hasn't kissed someone? I'm just saying. Third, again, looking up stuff on the internet and trusting the first sight you see is not a good way to get information. Read books instead Bella, you know those things you supposedly like so much but never actually seem to read?
I also have to say, Bella is mighty dumb to be so suspicious. She has no grounds for it. Even if she did, Billy is Jacob's parent/guardian and can raise his kid how he sees fit. If he decides it's not safe for Jacob to have visitors, Bella should respect that. But then this is Bella, I've yet to see her show respect for anything in this series. Edward doesn't count, worship/obsession is not respect.
But anyway, Bella gets annoyed when she can't see her boytoy...I mean friend/boyfriend whatever he is now. She goes back into emo mode and I have to sigh again. Seriously, this girl seems to have no inner strength what so ever. It would have been awesome if New Moon had been instead about Bella discover that she is perfectly strong on her own and can survive without Edward. Instead, Meyer made it so all she did was transfer her reliance on Edward to Jacob instead. Not only does this suck, it is massively unfair to Jacob because it's pretty obvious he's a second choice and we all know the minute Edward shows up she's going to drop him like a hot potato. He will show up too. I don't even need to know there are two more books to know this.
Well, Bella calls Jacob yet again and discovers he's off with friends instead of calling her. Now a sad panda, she lies to Charlie (again, should I be counting all of Bella's lies too? Nah, that'd be too many to keep track of) again. Once more using Jessica as her scapegoat. Nice, and she wonders why Jessica isn't talking to her? This is also another reason she's not talking to you Bella:

I wasn't going to call Jessica. As far as I could tell, Jessica had crossed over to the dark side.
From New Moon, Chapter 10

Or, you know, she's just tired of taking your crap. I personally applaud her. So Bella instead does the super smart thing and goes looking for the meadow AGAIN. God, this girl is STUPID. Dangerous animals, HELLO. When your own father, who is the CHIEF OF POLICE, tells you to not hike in the woods, maybe it would be a good idea to LISTEN. Just another reason this girl is so not intelligent.
Many more paragraphs of vivid description are next. Huh, haven't had much of these in this book. I didn't miss them. All the vivid description leads to Bella finally finding the meadow. But this doesn't make her happy, it depresses her even more. Which makes me ask: if you knew it was going to effect you this badly WHY ARE YOU SEARCHING FOR IT YOU DUMB BROAD. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Bella is a masochist.
Bella starts to leave the meadow and big paragraph describing her emotions as she sees...Laurent. Um...did we need all those emotions other then surprise? Not really. Then, because Meyer seems to think her readers have no memory skills, there is a recap of who Laurent is. I find it interesting to note that now Bella says he is beautiful. As seem to recall, she wasn't so flattering in her descriptions of him in Twilight. For some reason, she's happy to see him and acts like they're the best of friends or something. I also seem to recall they didn't say more then two three words to each other...he also said she would make a good meal or something along those lines if I remember correctly. So really, why is she so damn happy to see him? This statement especially makes no sense:

I studied his features with a strangely greedy sense of release. here was someone I didn't have to pretend for-someone who already knew everything I could never say.
From New Moon, Chapter 10

Seriously, where the hell is this coming from? Now I'm beginning to wonder if Bella's memory is slightly unhinged or something. At least she finally starts to realize he's dangerous...way too late of course, but she realizes it at least. Then when she realizes it she just stands there, again. Listens again as a vampire saying he's going to kill her monologues. At least this monologue reveals something: Victoria is after Bella. But still, this is the same thing that happened in Twilight: her listening while her killer is monologuing to her. First, do something different Meyer. Second, didn't she learn her lesson the last time?
Well, this time Bella is saved again. But instead of vampires she's saved by wolves...huge bear-like wolves. They protect her, a brown-haired one reminds her of Jacob (ding ding...foreshadow...ding ding) and she finally starts to run...after the bad guy and the wolves leave... Um...yeah, you maybe should have done that BEFOREHAND? This girls fight/flight instincts suck.
More vivid description as she runs through the forest. Charlie finds her and for some reason doesn't ground her butt when he finds out she a)lied to him and b) went into the forest after he told her not too. As much as I like Charlie, I'm kind of beginning to see why she is the way she is. No one tells her that the things she's doing are wrong, and therefore she keeps doing them because she knows she's never going to get punished...or it could just be that she's a big Mary Sue and Mary Sue's never make mistakes.
But whatever, Bella gets into no trouble at all and there is more foreshadow as Charlie mentions seeing Jacob argue with friends. Seriously Meyer, you're abusing foreshadow, stop it. After Bella listens to the foreshadow, she goes up to her room and goes all emo because she's now terrified of Victoria coming after her. I'm just happy that something finally happened. Too bad it doesn't last.

WORD LIST: perforated, compunctions
POSSIBLE EDITS: All the single sentences being used as paragraphs. For instance: Jacob didn't call. NOT A PARAGRAPH.
At least Jacob wasn't going to die, too.-Comma after die is not needed.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Bella going into emo mode again
The call of a jaybird made me leap back-Bella is suddenly an expert on birdcalls? I thought she wasn't a nature person?
The sudden rush of a squirrel up a hemlock made me scream-again, she suddenly can identify tree types?

NEW MOON: Chapter 9-Third Wheel

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella has an awkward date with two boys because she just can't tell people "sorry, I don't like you". Some sort of but not quite progress is made with Jacob.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Time passes along. Bella basically pretends she's happy but in reality she's not and at least she realizes something's wrong with her. Unfortunately, she doesn't do anything to help herself. She refuses to do therapy (because that would imply she's not perfect), she doesn't even attempt to enjoy any of the things going on in her life. Charlie is of course made out to be a big meanie just because he wants her to be happy:

And Charlie got his wish: I wasn't miserable anymore.From New Moon, Chapter 9

She also has had lessons but now those are pointless because she doesn't hear Edward in her head anymore (because this is you know, a really big problem not hearing voices in your head). But anyway, all this summary leads up to the fact that it's Valentine's Day. Jacob is sweet and gives her some candy hearts. This makes Bella nervous because you know, we can't have the boy thinking there could be something between them. I would call this noble except that she has been spending every minute of her free time with the boy and has pretty much been flirting with him. If she didn't want a relationship with him, she shouldn't have done those things or just set it straight with him in the first place that she wasn't interested in having a relationship. So it actually isn't noble, so much as she just doesn't back up what she says she wants with her behavior. But I believe I've already mentioned several times that Bella is a hypocrite so lets move on.
It also doesn't help that she basically all but invites him on a date in the next conversation. To see yet another horror movie...must be horror movie season or something...I mean, doesn't she enjoy other types of movies? Bella doesn't exactly strike me as the horror movie type but whatever. Jacob and Bella make plans and Bella pretty much assumes all her friends will be up for it. She planned it, you know.
But her ungrateful friends still aren't accepting her non apology and have claimed to be busy. Mike tries to make it an actual date and instead of point blank telling him she's not interested, she gets people to go. I'm sorry but at this point, Mike still being interested in Bella is plain ridiculous. Most guys by now can take a hint that a girl is just not interested in him. Also considering how Bella treats Mike, most guys would have by then given up trying to be friends with her PERIOD. But no, our Mary Sue is so enamor worthy that a guy is still into her a year after they've met and she's treated him like dirt the entire time. Sigh. I'm beginning to think Mike has less of a backbone then Bella does.
Anyway in a bad transition area we are suddenly on date night and Jacob says this about Mike:

"The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?"
From New Moon, Chapter 9

Um...no, that wasn't Mike. That was TYLER. Mike never actually DATED Bella and therefore never actually thought she was his girlfriend. God, get your own story straight Meyer. I know characters who are not Bella, Edward, and Jacob are unimportant to you but jeez.
Well, turns out the other people can't make it and it ends up just being Bella, Jacob, and Mike. This isn't awkward at all. But that really isn't any excuse for how Mike is treated during this chapter. Even Jacob is a jerk to him and I admit my opinion of him went down quite a bit in this chapter.
Let me put a long story short: Mike is pretty much made out to be a whiny child while Jacob is cool and suave. Except that Mike was sick so he had reason to feel bad. But this isn't the point here. Point is: Mike is a loser, Jacob is not. In fact it's basically drilled into the readers head. What it doesn't point out, is that Bella and Jacob were jerks to him even though he was sick.
Hell, instead of worrying about him or staying with him while he's sick they stand outside the bathroom and discuss their relationship! Some great people here, folks. Stuff like this is why I do not like Bella (and now Jacob, he's still kind of better then Bella but he was an ass here).
In case you want to know what Bella and Jacob where doing while poor Mike was throwing up, Bella basically went against what she said earlier in this chapter and is going to give Jacob a chance but warns that she probably will never get over Edward. Jacob says he has no problem with this and will wait for her and is happy with whatever he's given. Ugh. I feel like lining up all the guys in this book and telling: SHE IS NOT WORTH IT. But because Bella is a Mary Sue they probably wouldn't listen. About the only good thing here is that Bella does actually realize she's being selfish but again; she's agreeing to it anyway. Realizing something does no good unless you actually DO something with that realization. Bella constantly realizes things about herself but does nothing to correct it. It drives me nuts because as a result, there's no character growth and one has to wonder why Meyer even bothered with sequels if Bella is never going to grow as a character.
Mike is taken home (and is further not worried over):

Mike groaned in the backseat, and threw up in the bucket. I grimaced, hoping my own stomach could stand the sound and smell. Jacob checked anxiously over his shoulder to make sure his car wasn't defiled.
From New Moon, Chapter 9

Bella and Jacob: DO NOT become Doctors. In order to become doctors you would have to care about someone's well being when they're sick and not how they're being sick effects YOU. You obviously don't have the capacity to do that.
Well anyway, Bella tells Jacob to call her and is irritated when he doesn't do so right away (um, give him time to come home?) and somehow gets the stomach flu (something else Mike is blamed for). Some erratic time passage (really Meyer, you suck at transition, work on that please) and it's noted later that Mike has recovered. Instead of being happy for him, Bella thinks that okay I only have to suffer a few more hours. Sigh.
Well, she recovers in like one paragraph, and calls Jacob who is also sick and she's actually sympathetic towards him. But apparently he doesn't have the same thing she does and is distant and says good bye quickly. We all know what happens to Jacob later on so who wants to take bets on what he has? In case you're slow I'll give you hint: full moon. This means that the plot is actually moving forward now, right? ;crosses fingers;

WORD LIST: second word use offense for hedged. Capitulation.
POSSIBLE EDITS: Transition-WORK ON IT MEYER. Paragraph breaks during time passage are your friend.
I was like a lost moon-my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation-that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws gravity.-Big huge run on sentance that should not be a whole paragraph and is ridiculously overdramatic even for a emo teenager. Plus, there shouldn't be a hyphan in between disaster movie.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Bella's assworthy behavior again and now Jacob is joining her
Time began to trip along much more quickly than before.-Except that time can't trip because time isn't a person and doesn't have legs. This is stupid. Better way to put it would have been time passed.
I was an empty shell. Like a vacant house-condemened-for months. I'd been utterly uninhabitable. Now I was a little improved. The front room was in better repari. But that was all-just the one small piece.-I was an empty shell was all that was needed here. All the rest of this was pointless elaboration and again, ridiculously overdramatic.

New Moon: Chapter 8-Adrenaline

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella has motorbike lessons...pretty much it. Oh, and she and Jacob take a walk in the woods....this book does eventually have some sort of point right?

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So we start with Bella having lessons on how to ride her bike. I love how she questions Jacob when he knows about bike riding but she knows how much exactly? Oh yeah, nothing. She is utterly terrified yet she's doing this anyway. I have to roll my eyes at this:

I tried to tell myself that the fear was pointless. I'd already lived through the worst thing possible.
From New Moon, Chapter 8

Um Bella? You just got dumped. That is not the worst thing possible. I can think of people who have had it WAY worse then you. Have you ever seen a little movie called Precious? That girl had it way worse then you (I also hear it's a true story). Or say, the people who lived through Katrina, the Haiti earthquake, 9/11...yeah. You have in no way lived through the worst thing possible. Have a little perspective please.
Anyway, Bella starts the bike and falls. But joy! Rapture! She hears Edwards voice when she's being stupid! I'm sorry at this point I have to say, there is most definitely something wrong with this girl and she NEEDS THERAPY. But Meyer isn't going to admit there's issues with our heroine (that would imply she's not perfect) so instead, it's just maybe a little sad. Seriously, does this sound remotely healthy to anyone?:

Being reckless was paying off better than I'd thought. Forget cheating. Maybe I'd found a way to generate the hallucinations-that was much more important.
From New Moon, Chapter 8

Yeah, that is in no way a healthy way of thinking. I'm not even a licensed therapist and I'm picking up dangerous issues with this girl. That's not even going into the fact that she's hearing voices in her head and is HAPPY about it.
I am in no way surprised when crazy girl gets herself hurt. I can't even be further surprised that she's happy about that too. Jacob wisely says hell no when she wants to do more driving and once more I want to hug him. I swear, he's the only sane one in this damn book...apparently that doesn't last though which saddens me.
Jacob worries about her bleeding but Bella is too busy congratulating herself for being stupid. They go to her house (vivid description as she changes) and then she and Jacob talk and he takes her to the hospital...which um, he should of done FIRST but whatever.
Charlie actually buys the excuse they give him about her injury and once again I have shake my head at the bad parenting. I like Charlie but seriously? Bella goes home again and pointless scene with her having a nightmare. Later Charlie questions whether she should be in the garage and Bella lies to her father yet again. There is more foreshadow in talk of wild animals, and then she leaves. Then once again, Bella ticks me off by being an utter brat:

"Charlie's getting nosy," I complained to Jacob when I picked him up after school Friday.
From New Moon, Chapter 8

Well gee Bella, he's your DAD. Heaven forbid he act like one you ungrateful brat. I'm sorry but stuff like this is why I just cannot like this girl or feel remotely sorry for her. She acts so damn ungrateful when her parents worry over her or someone shows concern and acts like all these questions are so damn inconvenient. Yet, if they didn't act like she was the center of the universe she'd probably whine and complain about being ignored or how no one loves her. Plus, that was hardly being nosy. I know fathers who act way worse then Charlie does with Bella and frankly Charlie should be quesioning everything Bella does because this girl is seriously unstable.
Well, anyway, instead of bikes today Bella wants to hike. They stop off at the Blacks and have a chat with Billy and Bella once more acts like an ungrateful brat:

Charlie was not a hard person to live with, but it looked to me like Jacob had it even easier than I did.
From New Moon, Chapter 8

Um, I'm sorry what exactly is so hard about your home life? Oh yeah, NOTHING you brat! Ugh. Someone please tell me that the teenage generation today does not seriously act like this girl. If they do, then I weep for our future generations.
Well, Jacob and Bella go on their hike. Bella actually exhibets care for someone other then herself for a change and asks how things with Embry are. Things are still the same. More foreshadow about the wolves and hint that Jacob is not entirely human (when the cold doesn't bother him) and frankly I think Meyer is now getting ridiculous with the foreshadow. It's been mentioned in this chapter like four times. We get it Meyer, there are big bad things in the woods, Sam and his gang probably have something to do with it and it's going to involve Jacob. Can we PLEASE move on with the plot already? Because basically, Bella and Jacob find nothing and go home. Another pointless chapter. This book does eventually move forward right? Because I'm seriously bored to tears right now.

WORD LIST: No misused words, good job Meyer!
POSSIBLE EDITS: I complained to Jacob when I picked him up after school Friday-Should be I complained to Jacob when I picked him up after school ON Friday.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Bella and her bratty self.
"Trust me. I'm an easy bleeder."-What the hell?

NEW MOON: Chapter 7: Repetition

CHAPTER SUMMARY:Bella continues to hang out with Jacob, there is more foreshadow, that is it.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Meyer is back with the boring pointless chapters again. Yay. The first scene has Bella pondering if she's masochistic and I have to reply to her: yes, honey, you are. Why else would you have gotten together with Edward in the first place? There needs to be an anti-fanfiction where Bella goes to therapy. Seriously, someone write that. Assuming it hasn't been written already, in which case, send me a link!
Anyway, the reason she wonders if she's masochistic is because she's going to the Cullen's house. Yeah, again, you are masochistic Bella. The thing that gets me though, is apparently Bella knows herself so well that she knows she's lying to herself and being kind of stupid but she's going anyway. Sigh. There's an even more stupid moment when she worries the house won't be there anymore and she'll have imagined it all. Overdramatic much, Meyer?
Of course the house is still there and deserted. Personally, I find it hard to believe no one snatched such a private and beautiful house up and moved in. That I think, would have been more powerful here would be to have Bella come and be startled to find that a different family had moved in. Proof that life goes on.
But, Meyer doesn't think that way I guess and so house is deserted and Bella emos out and then goes find Jacob again. There is also an actual good moment here where Jacob voices his worry that Bella is pretty much using him for the bikes. She assures him this is not the case. Personally, I think this is exactly what Bella is doing but not just with the bikes, she's using him to stay in denial, and also so she can get lessons on bike riding in order to get a rush and hear Edward's voice again.
But the moment is quickly gone as they agree to do homework because apparently Billy and Charlie won't approve of them hanging out so much if they don't. I'm sorry but I think this is stupid because from what I've seen the two are pretty happy with them hanging out together. Hell, the two might as well be singing "Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match".
Bella gets home and this really irks me:

I got home later than I'd planned and found Charlie had ordered a pizza rather than wait for me. He wouldn't let me apologize.
From New Moon, Chapter 7

What the hell? Why should she have to apologize? Not cooking dinner for your Dad is not a crime. Good God. Just so you know, this is another sexist moment brought to you by Bella Swan who seems to think it's criminal when you don't cook your father dinner even when your father is a grown man and has been taking care of himself way before you came along.
More babble about pointless things: email from mother that is annoying, friends who are being annoying and not accepting her not apology. I'm sorry, but this irks me:

Jess was more resistant. I wondered if she needed a formal written apology for the Port Angeles incident.
From New Moon, Chapter 7

No Bella, she probably actually just needs AN APOLOGY, which you have yet to give her. People are funny like that. We liked to be apologized too when we're treated like crap by our supposed friends. We would also like that apology to be sincere.
Anyway, suddenly she's at work with Mike and Mike has obviously not gotten over her and asks her out. Which once again, disputes that "oh they're just enamoured with something new and shiny" theory that people keep throwing around to explain the ridiculousness of three guys (five counting Jacob and Edward) falling for Bella in the first week. Bella has been here year. Her shininess must have worn off by now, especially since she's supposedly been acting like a zombie the past few months. But no, since it's Bella she's still totally interesting and this guy STILL has a thing for her. Though God knows why since she treats him pretty much like he doesn't exist.
But never mind that, Mike asks her out, it is awkward. Again, this situation would totally be avoided if Bella would just flat out tell Mike she's not interested in him. Guys can take a hint. I love how she says honesty was probably the best policy but she just pretty much avoids being honest with him. Can we say hypocrite?
More babble as she hangs out with Jacob at home doing homework. She somehow magically knows how to make Lasagne (more Mary Sue points, yay!). Then it's suddenly the next day and she's with Jacob again. Look, the bikes are done! That was quick, that was like what, a week? A few days? I also have to say, this, while cute, is kind of annoying:

"Jacob you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get ten years for this one."
"Cool! I'm middle-aged now."
From New Moon, Chapter 7

Um...excuse me? Since when is mid-twenties middle aged? I'm in my mid twenties and am older then Jacob would be were he ten years older and I feel slightly offended now. Last I checked, middle aged was mid thirties to fifties. Or has that changed since I went to college and took that social studies course? While it was adorable when Jacob said it (thank God Meyer finally has someone who isn't ridiculously emo in this book) I still say this is dumb.
So they get the bikes loaded, and go to a rural part of town. There is talk of crazy cliff divers in yet another foreshadow. More foreshadow as Jacob talks about what goes for a psuedo gang in La Push and how Sam and his crew are a part of it. Everyone who knows something about Twilight knows Sam becomes a regular character too and in case we didn't get the message that Jacob is going to become important later on, Sam watching Jacob sure does. Sweet moment as Bella comforts Jacob. I also want Meyer to look up the definition of albino. That is a person with PALE HAIR, and PALE SKIN. Usually that pale hair is BLONDE. Therefore Bella? Not an albino. Just a pale Mary Sue. Chapter ends with her lessons finally starting.

WORDS A TEENAGER WOULD NEVER SAY: aberrant
POSSIBLE EDITS: Chapter title yet again. Because there is no repition here.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: It's not a crime to not cook dinner for your dad.
He laughed, a throaty sound-What the hell is a throaty sound? Throats is not a sound. It is that thing that holds your head to your body and houses your esophagus. IT IS NOT A SOUND.

NEW MOON: Chapter 6-Friends

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella spends time with Jacob...that's pretty much it.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So Bella and Jacob work on the bikes. Or Jacob does and Bella watches because remember she is female and not supposed to have anything to do with this stuff. Yes, this is a sexist thing in this book because I know plenty of females who know about cars and can change a tire like no ones business (and without breaking a nail). So I'm sorry this whole scene bugs me. It especially bugs me later as Bella watches Jacob and his two friends Quil and Embry (both cute as well, notice there is a severe lack of normal/ugly people in Meyer's world, I'm just saying):

Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I'd have to have a Y chromosome to really understand the excitement.
From New Moon, Chapter 6

See? How sexist can you get? Also, there should not be a comma after and because there is no pause in the thought/sentence. You were doing so well, Meyer. But anyway, Bella leaves (and is surprised that she actually enjoyed herself; I'm surprised too because from what she was thinking and what was happening I didn't get the sense she enjoyed herself but whatever), and then goes home. I have to admit, I enjoyed Jacob and his two friends banter. The three of them were fun and seem like they actually have personalities even if their hobby is a gross stereotype (all men like to fix cars, don't you know? Sigh).
So Bella gets home and cooks dinner and major Mary Sue points here (haven't had those in awhile) because she knows how to make fried chicken. I count this as Mary Sueness because I'm sorry what eighteen year old (who hasn't grown up in the south or had her mother teach her) would a) willingly make fried chicken, or b) even KNOW how to make fried chicken? It's utterly ridiculous that Bella knows all these difficult recipes that chefs have to explain to adults. But Meyer probably wanted Bella to be Super!Chef so she put this in without thinking that it is strange that a teenager knows how to make it when her mother probably didn't teach her and she is obviously not a Food Network holic. This is why you need to think about things Meyer.
Moving on, Bella makes dinner, talks to her dad (briefly) and then goes to bed, marvels that she didn't dream.
Then there is another day spent with Jacob and I have to say, Jacob is one of the few things I am enjoying about this book so far. He seems to have some sort of personality (not much, but more then Edward and definitely more then Bella) and he's just so adorable you want to squeeze him and if you're me, you want to tell him to stay far away from Bella. I kind of get the Team Jacob movement now. Were I actually a Twihard (which I obviously am not in any sense of the word) I would be Team Jacob but I would be Team Jacob Who Ditches Bella and No Longer Bothers With Her. There needs to be a t-shirt for that...
Where was I? Oh yeah, Jacob and his adorableness. He and Bella gather parts and chat. I have to roll my eyes again though because once again, Bella has a guy who likes her even though they've had one conversation, if that (this time it's Quil). God, I'm beginning to wonder if Bella has pheromones or something. That's the only possible explanation I have for practically every guy she meets or simply LOOKS at getting the hots for her.
More chatting and Bella watching Jacob fix up the bikes and then there's a wierd part where they are walking to the house and Bella gets hysterical for some reason, or close to hysterical. Seriously, what was up with this scene? She's suddenly afraid of the dark or something? I don't get it, but whatever it passes and there's a big dinner with Charlie, Billy, Harry, a new character that we're suddenly supposed to magically know what she looks like (Sue, his wife), and Harry's two children Seth and Leah. All those who have read the series know that Leah becomes a recurring character later on, and that is evident in that she's actually given a description (she's beautiful too of course) while the other two new characters are not.
But we don't see much of Leah because she's constantly on Billy's phone during the evening. Apparently NO one in this backwater town has a cell phone. Odd and very unlikely. One of the many instances were I simply don't get Meyers world. I mean, were cell phones not invented in this universe or something?
So evening ends, Bella is again surprised she enjoyed herself, and they go home. There is email from her Mom/Renee, that she responds too (vivid description of it here). But Bella again has another dream. That she vividly remembers.
Cut to morning and school. Bella starts talking and is miffed that Jessica doesn't automatically respond to her outreach. Now she has to make an actual EFFORT.
So Bella has decided to rejoin her friends and is surprised that no one immediately notices. She has random bitch moments when she talks about Lauren. I'm sorry but I'll believe Lauren is mean person when I actually see her being mean. Just because she doesn't happen to like Bella doesn't make her mean. I also think Lauren has good reason not to like her because um...she basically ignores everyone until it's convenient for HER. The comment about the short hair cut irks me. Let me guess, Bella, girls shouldn't have short hair it's just wrong? I'm sorry it's what it sounds like.
But anyway, Angela is talking and in what is yet ANOTHER foreshadow, there is talk of big bears in the woods. No one believes Angela and Bella actually does something nice and says other people have seen it too. Because you know, if other people have said they saw something in the woods, that automatically makes it so. Everyone is so super shocked that Bella has actually spoken though. Conversation ends and Angela and Bella talk and Bella realizes oh...it's been exactly a year since I've been here. Huh. Isn't that a coincidence? Yes, this is heavy sarcasm. Pointless chapter ends. I see we're back to these again.

WORDS A TEENAGER WOULD NEVER SAY: dithered
POSSIBLE EDITS: Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I'd have to have a Y chromosome to really understand the excitement.-There shouldn't be a comma after and.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Girls can fix cars too.
How the heck does a teenager know how to make fried chicken?
I've noticed something: there are no fat people or people with glasses in this book. At least there weren't any in Twilight, and I'm betting there won't be any here. How does THAT happen?
Please note: I've given up on the dash count. There are just too many and counting them all was taking too long. Just know that she abuses them. A lot.
I'm stil trying to figure out how Renee can be a big flake and obviously a bad displinarian and yet she teaches elementary school kids.

NEW MOON: Chapter 5-Cheater

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella buys motorcycles for some odd reason and takes them to Jacob to fix. That's about it. I really don't get the title of this chapter, I'll explain why after thoughts.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We begin this chapter with Bella at work where we FINALLY get an idea of where she works: some sort of sporting goods/hiking gear store....huh? I cannot picture Bella demeaning herself by working at a sporting goods store nor having any interest in it because um...doesn't she hate stuff like hiking and whatnot? She's hardly qualified to work there...oh wait, Mike works there. Never mind. It's totally clear how she got the job now. Ten bucks says Bella told some sob story to her friends about needing cash and Mike pulled a few strings at his place because you know, he's still obsessed with Bella. I still think Meyer could have had her working at a bookstore or something, or a fast food place like all the other teens but that would probably be too demeaning and normal for her Sue, so instead she puts Bella in a place that seems illogical for her to be working at. Personally I think she decided to have Bella working there just so she could hear the exchange between the hikers about dangerous looking animals in the forests which in case you guys don't know is an epic forshadow.
Bella gets into her car and drives around and I think it's pretty clear here that Bella is depressed. I will say this, Meyer did get how a depressed person feels down pat. Unfortunately, Bella doesn't get help for this depression and the depression isn't even acknowledged so I ask you, what's the point? How do I know she's depressed? These lines:

I wished I could feel numb again, but I couldn't remember how I'd managed it before.

I curled over, pressing my face against the steering wheel and trying to breathe without lungs.
From New Moon, Chapter 5

Yeah...we have depression here folks. Actually, it's kind of overdone still, which seems to be Meyer's style, so there you go. Again, she does a good job of capturing the depression but she doesn't do anything with it. This could have been a great book about learning to deal with depression and learning to move past it and becoming a stronger person. But no. Meyer couldn't do that, that would require difficulty for her characters. Plus, you know a plot other then romance.
So Bella mopes some more (and cries some more) and suddenly sees a pair of old motorcycles for sales and decides that this must be fate, therefore she must have some. Yeah. On one hand, I can kind of see how Meyer came up with this idea. On the other hand it's kind of stupid. But whatever, Bella sees the bikes and decides she must have them. Because having one is apparently stupid and reckless and she wants to be stupid and reckless. Sigh...I am trying to ignore the fact that once more Bella is being a brat and am going to move on.
So Bella gets her bikes (and because it's Bella, she gets them for free) and she wonders about where to get them fix up. The local garage is out because the guy is way too expensive. Then she remembers the cute Jacob Black she flirted with in the first book and thinks "yeah, he'll do!". Random scene where she calls Charlie to get the Black's address. He offers to come and join her but she says no. Because you know, heaven forbid she spend time with her father. Ew.
So she goes to the Blacks (insert vivid description here) and oh, Jacob has gotten even cuter. Billy is also there but not for long, it immediately goes back to Jacob and Bella. Bella asks him to fix her bikes and, being a guy, he's all game for it. He refuses payment of course, so Bella trades him the extra bike and lessons because she can't ride motorcycles. Good thing she got two of them, isn't it? My mind (and probably many other readers) went to a dirty place at this line:

"Wait a sec-are you legal yet? When's your birthday?"
From New Moon, Chapter 5

No seriously, she asks him that and it's not at all about sex or drugs. I would commend Meyer for the cleverness if I didn't suspect the joke was totally lost on her. Jacob agrees but worries about parts which Bella tells him not to worry about. She'll just use her college fund. Again, great role model Meyer. Really. College is totally skippable girls if your boyfriend dumps you and you're heartbroken. More reason that I don't buy this Bella is intelligent crap. Anyway, chapter ends with Bella being thankful for Jacob, the end. Now you know why I'm confused about the title of the chapter. No where in here does she cheat. Even if it's a reference to her hanging out with Jacob it's stupid because she and Edward are not together anymore so it's NOT CHEATING. So chapter title=stupid.

WORD LIST: buoyant (second offense use for this word, she used it in Twilight).
POSSIBLE EDITS: Please change the chapter name, it makes no sense.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The Blacks house was vaguely familiar-How can it be familiar exactly? She's never been there right?
I recognized the symbol on the grille at least.-Um...I thought this girl didn't know anything about cars? How can she know what a car part is? Also, a grille refers to ventillation parts, not the front of a vehicle where the symbol of VWs are usually found.
Embry? Seriously Meyer? Where do you find these names?

NEW MOON: Chapter 4-Waking Up

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Charlie has enough and lays down the law for Bella: shape up or you're going to live with your mother. IN THE SUNSHINE. Wow, that's a punishment? Me I'd love to live in Florida, but whatever. It works...sort of.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So the chapter opens with a pretty good opening paragraph actually. An over dramatic paragraph, but then this whole series is overdramatic, so that's kind of a moot point. Anyway, Charlie has finally had enough of Bella's moping (wow, four months later...he sure has patience) and is being a good parent and of course, Bella takes offense to this. How dare Charlie act like a parent and WORRY when she has been perfect? I personally applaud Charlie. However, I have to shake my head because Meyer once again screws what could be a great moment up. First, she screws it up with Bella herself. Second, she pretty much says that Edward leaving Bella was the same as Renee leaving her dad. Um...NO.
Charlie and Renee were MARRIED with a CHILD. He was devoted to her (and presumingly Bella as well) and she pretty much said "see you loser" and left. All because she didn't like the town he lived in...and is pretty much a flake. Edward and Bella were NOT married, they haven't even been dating for over a year! He didn't take their non existant child and it's pretty obvious that he left for her own damn good so it's obvious he still has feelings for her. It is in NO WAY the same situation as Charlie and Renee.
However, I do agree that Bella should see a shrink, but not for the break up but because she has a LOT of issues such as dependancy, selfishness, and a plethora of other things that would give a shrink a field day. But of course, Bella couldn't possibly see a shrink (that would imply she's not perfect) and so instead lies to her dad and says she does have plans. Great message you're sending teenage girls here Meyer. Girls when your parents are worried about you for a good reason, instead of owning up and facing the fact that you have problems, lie and avoid the situation instead.
So we see Bella go to school, insert description of daily activities here (how Animal Farm is considered an easy subject matter, I don't know, but whatever) and oh look, there's Mike. She acts like a jerk as usual (and there is STILL no word on what it is Bella actually DOES cause you know, working is so MUNDANE) and then Bella spots Jessica. I have to say this line pisses me off:

I knew I had offended her with my antisocial behaviorc and she was sulking.
From New Moon, chapter 4

Excuse me, Miss Swan but when you ignore somebody for over a few months for no good reason, and when they didn't do anything to deserve that behavior, YEAH, they ARE going to take offense. It is not sulking, it is being annoyed by having a friend who treats you like crap. Which frankly you do. I don't understand why Jessica gives her the time of day (I say she's a decent person because I would have taken one look at her and said, go find someone else since I'm not good enough for you) but she does. They make plans to go to the movies.
More boring description of her day and oh look they're leaving! Bella turns on rap of all things, and because once again there is apparently nothing more that we girls talk about, they talk about boys. Specifically the nerds who have the audacity to ask Jessica out. Though at least she's decent enough to accept an invitation, even if it's out of pity and she gossips about it later. It's still better then how Bella treated then...only by a margin though. Oh, and for those keeping track, another sexist moment here and an earlier one because Bella thought she was perfect for not occasionally serving leftovers (cause you know, that's a crime and implies a bad housewife).
They get to the theatre and Bella is annoyed because a young couple has the nerve to be lovey dovey in public and don't understand her pain. Then they go into the movie and it's a zombie movie...yeah. She's further annoyed when the movie has the nerve t have a romance scene and of course, narcissist that she is, draws parallels between the movie and herself.
So they leave the theatre and it's dark and scary, and oh look there's scary loitering guys outside the bar who may or may not have been the ones who almost didn't attack her in the last book. Genius that Bella is, she goes towards them. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Dumbest. Heroine. Ever. But as she's walking towards them an amazing thing happens: She hears Edward's lovely voice telling her what I and every reader are thinking: What are you doing, you dumbass?
I also must say, for a girl hearing voices in her head that aren't there, she manages to think quite rationally about it. Most people who hear voices in their head tend to freak out. Or so I've heard. But this IS Bella, so naturally she would behave calmly when hearing a voice in her head.
But anyway, guys don't turn out to be the same ones from before and she goes back to Jessica who rightfully calls her an idiot. Bella of course thinks she's just offended now and is not cooperating with Bella. Which means she's not any fun now. Awkward rest of the evening and Bella goes home and nice friend that she is:

I'd forgotten her by the time I was inside.
From New Moon, Chapter 4

Nice. She lies to Charlie again (really, great role model here folks)and in the peak of her emoness Bella thinks that she feels pain and realizes this makes her feel alive. Brother.

WORD LIST: None for this chapter! Go Meyer!
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Just Bella herself and the fact that everyone is acting like she's gone through this super horrible tragic thing when all that happened is that her boyfriend dumped her. Do you know how many high schoolers get dumped per day? Who also probably got dumped for way more horrible reasons then their boyfriend wanting to protect them? You don't see those high schoolers going into a funk for four months. A month, maybe. But four?