ECLIPSE: Chapter 23-Monster

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Another stupid melodramatic chapter as we have Edward and Bella talking, Jacob discovering they're getting married, him going off the deep end and this causing Bella to realize she DOES have feelings for him. Just how many soap operas was Meyer watching as she wrote this?

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella waking up in Jacob's arms and it's all very awkward. He's a douche about it as Meyer is intent on destroying every likability he has in this book. He and Edward almost come to blows in yet another "my dick is bigger then yours" moment and in case it's important Seth Clearwater is there in wolf form. I don't know why it's important, Meyer just keeps telling us he's there.
Jacob goes off to talk with Sam and that leaves Bella and Edward alone for the excruciating small talk that happens with them whenever they're alone. I believe I've said it before but I'll say it again: Meyer SUCKS at dialogue.
Somehow small talk starts to get into best nights of Edward's life (not Bella's because she's unimportant in this relationship of course) and she starts guessing about the nights and of course all the nights involve their relationship in one way or another. Gag me. Then they mention Bella's decision to become a vampire and then they hear a howl. Turns out Jacob heard them so now he knows what Bella chose. I'd feel bad for him, but seriously WHAT DID HE EXPECT? It was OBVIOUS she was going to be a vamp from the day she jetted off to Italy in New Moon after the vampire that freaking broke her heart. If that didn't tell you something about what she was going to choose then you are either monstrously stupid, or heavily in denial.
If this isn't bad enough? Edward admits he knew Jacob could hear them and therefore let him know on purpose. Nice, Edward. But here's the kicker: Bella doesn't blame him or even get upset at him. No, she's upset at HERSELF. WHAT. THE. HELL? The title in this is all reference to what a supposed monster Bella is for having the nerve to love Edward and not Jacob. Sigh. This is not why I don't like Bella. She is perfectly welcome to her feelings. I don't like Bella and think she's a monster because of how she treats her friends and family and is huge giant hypocrite as well as judgemental, shallow and utterly selfish. I also think this all could have been avoided yet again, if she had sat Jacob aside way back in New Moon and said "I just think of you as a friend, don't fall for me". But no, because she's so much in love with a guy and spurned the advances of another that makes her a monster. Not all the other deplorable things she does. God, this series...
Well this causes deep angst in our Mary Sue and then we get more Wuthering Heights comparisons as she says she's Cathy. Well...yeah sort of. Bella is as utterly selfish as Cathy was. But of course that's not why Bella is comparing herself to Cathy, it's because of the love triangle bit and how she presumingly led one guy on while being in love with another. Again, I kind of give on this because yeah she totally led Jacob on but here's the thing: Jacob should have realized a long time ago she didn't feel the same and wasn't going to change her mind. The fact that he still loves her after the way she treated him is rather ridiculous (and something I blame on Meyer who can't write realistic male characters to save her life) and he most definitely shouldn't have assaulted her like he has in this book or keep bugging her when he knows she didn't feel the same. In short, he should have just left her alone. But that would mean there was no point to Eclipse (not that there's much point to it NOW but you know...). Also, I know I've said this before but I'll say it again: trying to compare this crappy book to a classic piece of literature does not automatically make your book a) good, or b) literature.
During the angsting apparently a fight breaks out somewhere. We get no details of course even though this is the big battle everyone's been preparing for. Jacob comes back and in a lovely turn of events threatens suicide. Way to minimalize suicide Meyer. You do know it is NOT ROMANTIC, right? RIGHT? God, this woman is either really ignorant, doesn't care about the messages she's giving young people, or just doesn't care because she gets tons of money to write this crap. Probably a combination of all three.
To stop Jacob from going into the battle to kill himself she lets him kiss her. The kiss is very awkward and wierd. Then during the awkward, slightly angry, and very messed up kiss, Bella realizes "oh, I DO love Jacob!" WHAT? Before all you Team Jacob fans rejoice though, this realization isn't going anywhere as she's still also madly in love with Edward and we all know that in a choice between werewolves and vampires, Bella will always go with the vampires. Chapter ends with Jacob leaving.

WORD LIST: differentiate, ricocheted, seared (used wrong), fissure
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The sound ricocheted off the bare rock face of the mountain and filled the air so it seared from every direction.-Sigh. Words do not express how much this is a fail of a sentence. Ricocheted is a) a word that most teens would never use in the first place, b) implies that the thing being thrown is an OBJECT or PROJECTILE. It is not meant to be used in reference to SOUND which is neither of those things. Seared is to fill something with intense heat. As in the heat from the torch seared. Sound cannot do this. SENTENCE FAIL.
And then, quite distinctly, I felt the splintering along the fissure line in my heart as the smaller part wrenched itself away from the whole.-HUH? I'm assuming this is some really fancy way of saying Jacob took a piece of Bella's heart with her in which case JUST SAY SO.