TWILIGHT: Chapter 5-Blood Type

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella has science class and plays cavewoman to Edward and Mike's caveman. That's it.

NOTES/REACTIONS/THOUGHTS:
This is a continuation from the other boring chapter so Bella is still going to class in a daze. All because Edward offered to drive her to Seattle. I know teenagers are supposed to be overdramatic and whatnot but yeesh.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," Jessica said, finally breaking
through my abstraction with his name.
From Twilight, page 86

I honestly thought that abstraction was a typo and that Meyer meant to put in distraction instead. But judging from Webster, she put that there deliberately. But still, the fact that I had to look it up, says that this is not the right word to use here. Once again, please edit Meyer. Edward beckons Bella over to his table where we get this:

"Does he mean you?" Jessica asked with insulting astonishment in her
voice.
From Twilight, page 87

Bella, she is within her rights to be surprised okay? You and Edward have barely interacted, and he's a notorious loner. Also he's been ignoring you for a month, remember? Why WOULDN'T she be surprised?
Bella joins Edward of course and much awkward small talk follows. Again. So I will tell my next reason for disliking Twilight here.
REASON 5 FOR DISLIKING TWILIGHT: Awkward and unnatural sounding dialogue.
Twilight has a LOT of dialogue. That's okay, so do a lot of other books. But the thing is, those other books have GOOD dialogue that don't come across as unnatural sounding and actually add something to the books. In Twilight, much of it comes across as awkward. At least to me. Also a vast majority of it is unneeded.
Why does it sound unnatural? Mostly, because none of these characters sound like I would think they should. Bella does not sound seventeen, Edward does not sound like a over hundred year old boy and likewise with all the other characters. You don't have accents, you don't have lingo distinqushing them, and none of their personality shows through the dialogue either. Part of that is underdeveloped characters. Which is something I'll go into later.
Another part of it is just Meyer's writing skill, or lack thereof in her case. She keeps trying to be a literary author and therefore puts all these big literary words into the text without THINKING about it. What happens is that we get teenagers saying words that they would never say normally, at least no teenagers I know. Now, if EDWARD had been narrating the story and it was him and his family doing the talking, I could see it. But he isn't, and it's mostly Bella so it comes across as fake. Also again, lack of character depth.
A better author would have noticed this and cooled it with the literary prose and added some lingo, or pop culture references or SOMETHING. Meyer did not. Please don't try to tell me this is due to her age and being out of touch with teenagers. She has kids from what I understand so she could talk to them, and I know plenty of authors who manage to do this and they have no kids. James Patterson managed to make Max sound like a teenage girl and he's a guy who is at least fifty.
Moving on, we get small talk with Edward and Bella where he once again warns Bella he's dangerous and she stupidly ignores him. Girls, don't do this in real life. If a guy looks dangerous, acts dangerous, SAYS he's dangerous then he's probably not good boyfriend material. If you want to hang out okay, maybe. But please don't try to date him because real life isn't the movies, it will probably end up in tears. For you. He probably won't give a damn.
Edward asks Bella about what she's been thinking about him these few weeks and we get this lovely:

I blushed. I had been vacillating during the last month between Bruce Wayne
and Peter Parker. There was no way I was going to own up to that.
From Twilight, page 89

Well good, Bella because my inner comic book geek would like to point out to you that neither of these mentioned heroes have super strength. They also would have done a much better job than Edward at covering up their tracks after saving someone. For instance, they would have simply pushed you out of the way and then after it was clear you were okay they would have snuck away quickly before you or anyone saw them. They are awesome like that. Also, they are not real. Just to make sure you realize that. On a completely unrelated note I would like to say that comparing Gary Stu Edward to the complex superheroes that are Batman and Spiderman is kind of an insult to DC and Marvel. I'm just saying.
Okay, my geek moment is over now. Back to the boring small talk. We finally get an instance of Bella showing some sort of spine:

"No," I disagreed quickly, my eyes narrowing. "I can't imagine why that
would be frustrating at all-just because someone refuses to tell you what
they're thinking even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks
specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possible
mean...now, why would that be frustrating?"
From Twilight, page 90

Yes! Despite the run-on sentencing, Bella is finally standing up to this creep! Go girl! Don't take any of his crap!
Cut to the next couple of pages: ugh. Never mind.

"It's healthy to ditch class now and then." He smiled upat me, but his eyes
were still troubled.
From Twilight, page 93

This guy is supposed to be a role model for the perfect boyfriend? He's freaking encouraging her to ditch school! I love how this never comes up in those "Edward is perfect" conversations Twihards have.
Well, Bella luckily says no to ditching class, which makes my respect for her go up a notch. But then we have the epic fainting scene so it plummits very quickly.
We have science where it turns out they are doing some sort of experiment that involves pricking your finger for blood. I've never heard of a science class doing something like this but maybe this is just another one of those things that is unique to Forks. Anyway, the teacer pricks Mike's finger from across the room and little Bella immediately starts to feel nauseated.
I'm sorry, but could this girl BE any more pathetic? I am not crazy about blood either, I hate getting shots. But one drop of blood that she probably can't even see or smell makes her feel faint? What is this, the seventeen hundreds where all the girls screamed at the sight of a mouse? This is a book that is supposed to be empowering for women? HOW?
Mike naturally takes Bella to the infirmary and we get what I like to call a caveman scene between Edward and Mike who basically argue over who takes care of poor little Bella while she just stands there and takes it. I would have socked both of them walked to the infirmary myself. But apparently in this book feminism hasn't happened and we females are weak and need strong man to take care of us.
Whatever.
Edward wins the caveman battle and drags Bella to infirmary where the nurse frets. He then drags her to his car instead of letting her drive herself because again ladies, she is weak damsel in distress and Edward is big strong man.
Bella goes with Edward and we learn that Edward likes classical music. Bella doesn't know much but she can pick out the piece that Edward is playing and has favorites. That implies that she knows something about it. Also I'm sorry, but Renee didn't strike me as the kind of person who listens to classical like Bella says. I think this is another Mary Sue instance for Meyer because she wanted to have Bella know about classical to make her seem smart and to have something in common with Edward I guess.
Conversation turns to Renee and Bella says her mom and she are best friends. Um, really? Because from their interaction, I didn't get that vibe at all. I got Bella thinks her Mom is a flake and so Bella needs to take care of her. I didn't get any level of trust or best friend vibes like what I get with say Lorelai and Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls who actually ARE friends.
Also in Meyer's desperate attempt to make Bella seem mature (which is negated by her whining and the way she acts) we have this quote from Edward:

"I'm seventeen," I responded, a little confused.
"You don't seem seventeen."
From Twilight, page 105

WHAT? That sound you heard was me snorting my Diet Coke through my nose as I have to laugh at this sad attempt by Meyer. Bella is a teenager. But no, mentally she's not seventeen. She's mentally TWELVE. Possibly ELEVEN. I mean no disrespect to anyone who are these ages, I know there are plenty of you out there who are quite mature but in Bella's case she acts younger then she is. She makes assumptions, acts like the world is out to get her, has that whole emo thing going on, whines constantly, and is quite frankly very shallow. She also mopes when she doesn't get her way. Now most seventeen year olds have gotten over the whole "world doesn't understand me" thing. I also know many who have much more respect for others and adults then this girl has shown.
So yeah, I have to laugh at this lame attempt by Meyer to make Bella seem older then she is. If she was older mentally she would realize the world does not revolve around her, that the world is not as black and white as she's been making it out to be, and would actually have some sort of respect for people and some self respect for herself. This observation would make sense if Bella actually acted mature. She does not. Therefore it's laughable.
Edward drives Bella home and this whole pointless (yet again; two for two Meyer) chapter ends.

WORDS A TEENAGER WOULD NEVER SAY: disparaging, vacillating, inpenetrable
WHINE COUNT: No whines for this part! Shocked me too.
MARY-SUEISM: Two boys are fighting over the honor of taking me to the infirmary
MEYER CONTRIDICTION: Bella: My mom and I are best friends even though we don't actually act like best friends.

BOOK THAT IS BETTER: Maximum Ride by James Patterson
WHY IT'S BETTER: This is what actual suspense is. Not this stupid book. Also Max is awesome and sounds like she's a teenage girl.