BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 22-Promised

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella discovers Jacob imprinted on her daughter and freaks. As well she should.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We begin where we left off, with much gag-worthy speculating on how wonderful and super special Bella's daughter is. If Bella is Super Mary Sue, then her daughter is like uber Mary Sue extroardinare. Why do I say this? Well, for one, EVERYONE loves her! Seriously, they just look at her and melt. I know she's a baby but even this is a little ridiculous. Also, she has super speed growth. That's right, within a few months she'll be a freaking SEVEN year old! Or her body will be. Her mind too. I could maybe forgive Meyer for the fact that a vampire can suddenly have kids, but now that kid has excellarated growth too? Are you kidding me?! She also is naturally super intelligent already LESS THEN ONE WEEK AFTER HER BIRTH. I'm sorry Meyer, no you are not being scientific at all. You are making this up as you go, stop trying to say otherwise. Don't even get me started that the excellerated growth means that Bella and Edward get to skip out on the hardships of taking care of a baby and being a parent. Heaven forbid they work at something, you know? All these clues make me realize this baby will turn into an uber Mary Sue. As we read on, I'm sure my suspicians will be confirmed.
They get to the Cullens house after Edward talks about the wonderful Mary Sue baby they created and Jacob shows up. Surprise you guys! She's no longer conflicted about him! They are no longer in love. He is now in love with her baby (though she doesn't know that yet but somehow senses he's now over her) and she no longer has any romantic feelings for him! Conflict aborted! In the most lazy way possible. So just note teenagers: to get over conflicting romantic interests: turn into a vamp and have the other person imprint on someone. Problem solved! God this is so stupid.
Just so we don't start getting any ideas that Bella is an equal among these men now that she's a vamp, Jacob and Edward test her and don't let her in on it. Edward also continues to neglect telling her info that she should probably know such as that her best friend imprinted on her baby. So yeah, Bella's strong now but she's still a woman.
Then Bella meets her Mary Sue baby for the first time. Of couse, there's no issue with the bloodlust. She's perfectly in control. It all of course turns into a praise-fest of how awesome Bella was during the hunt. Ugh. I get it Meyer, she's a super awesome vampire. MOVE ON PLEASE. Then her Mary Sue baby appartently has powers to communicate with people so no need to guess what the baby needs or is trying to say. Seriously, Meyer is taking all the fun out of this. I wanted to see Bella and Edward deal with parenting and hard work for a change. Nothing tests a relationship more then having a kid. It also would have required them to work at their relationship too. But as noted before, Meyer seems to detest hard work or conflict of any kind for her characters.
Somehow, Bella finally catches on that Jacob imprinted on her kid. The drama that insues, almost kind of makes up for all the gag-worthy lets-praise-Bella moments that seem to be the only point to this book. Granted, it's still full of grating dialogue and writing, but at least there's finally some real drama and an actual conflict introduced. More then halfway into this stupid book. But it's there!
Basically what insues is over the top Bella on the war path. While it is kind of fun finally seeing her get angry (this is the first time I've actually seen her express strong emotion I believe) it's still contrived soap opera worthy dialogue. She starts yelling at Jacob, he tries to assure that it's really all right, and she points out that no, it isn't. Just when things get interesting with her going for Jacob's throat (yes, really) the chapter ends. At least something actually happened in this one.

WORD LIST:none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: He knew her and I did not. It wasn't fair-Oh gee, Bella, cry me a freaking river. Could you BE anymore immature?