BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 23-Memories

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella angsts in what is yet another pointless chapter.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
All that drama that was promised? Skipped. We don't get to see Bella attack at all. We see the aftermath instead. LAME, Meyer, very lame. But I don't know why I'm surprised about this anymore. Every violent scene in this stupid series has been pg or takes place off screen. Yet Meyer has no problem writing scenes with violent births. If someone wo.uld like to explain this slight hypocrisy then please, do so.
Anyway, the aftermath turns out to be that Seth got his shoulder broken and Bella angsts about what a monster she's become. But of course everyone (including Seth) is quick reassure her that no, she isn't. Seth even goes as far to say that it was deserved! Um...NO. Look, yes Bella has every right to be mad about Jacob imprinting on her kid but just slap him or something. NO ONE deserves getting their shoulder dislocated, I don't care how made you are at the person. Be a bigger person and kick them out if you're that mad at them. But I forget, Bella is a Mary Sue therefore everything she does is perfectly acceptable. Even when she loses her temper and endangers everyone and hurts someone who she WASN'T EVEN MAD AT. But it's Bella, so it's okay! UGH.
If that's not ridiculous enough, turns out Renesmee isn't venomous! What? Is she a vampire or isn't she? How can you bite but not turn or feed? This makes no sense WHAT SO EVER.
As Bella sits and broods we get more of Meyer's lazy conflict solving. Turns out that now that Jacob imprinted on his little Mary Sue the rest of the wolf pack can't attack the kid as that would cause one of their own harm. Also since Jacob let Bella be turned, that means all is well in that area too. So crisis averted yet again. BORING. We don't even get to see the drama from this. Boo.
Then suddenly Bella starts worrying about Charlie and what to do about him. I'm sorry, why didn't she worry about him BEFORE she was turned into a vamp? Now all of a sudden he's actually important to her? I don't buy it. Sorry, Meyer.
More angst, angst, angst from Bella about the imprinting deal. I'm bored with this already. Suddenly the Cullens are all it's time to measure Renesmee! What? Turns out she is now toddler age. Gives whole new meaning to "my, they grow so fast" doesn't it?
Bella gets to hold her baby and now we learn that Renesmee is not only a Mary Sue, she's a deux ex machina as well. She has some sort of wierd ability to implant memories in a person (how does that even work?) and so we get to see all her thoughts on the matter. She loves Jacob you see. She loves everyone. She just wants everyone to get along! Seriously, GAG ME.
Somewhere in all this huge waste of time, we learn that Jasper (who suddenly has gained the nickname Jazz, when did that happen?) is angsty now too. See, now that he sees how well Bella's doing he thinks all that worry about newborns was just a self-fullfilling prophecy. See, they only acted that way because they were TOLD that they were going to be that way. God, this series gets even more absurd as it goes on. Oh, and apparently vampires don't need to sit either or some such rot. They just sit out of habit. What?
This utterly pointless and boring chapter ends with Alice handing Bella a key with a pink bow. It's Bella's birthday guys! Prediction: this is going to get worse.

WORD LIST: mitigated, antagonistic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Carlisle chuckled."I wish treating humans were this instantaneously gratifying."-Well, excuse me for being HUMAN, Carlisle. Sorry if my body is inadequate for you. We heal slow, sorry if that's not good enough for you.