NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella wakes up in a place she doesn't recognize and goes 'duh, I'm in a hotel room. Then she says she doesn't remember how she got there but then we get two to three pages describing the tjourney. I'm sorry, but how the hell did they get from Washington, State to Phoenix, Arizona in like one day? That's impossible, no matter how fast you're driving and if they were going fast, why the hell weren't they ticketed? I'm assuming they went through California to get there and I can tell you: they ticket in California in a heartbeat.
Besides that, do we even really need this long narration about how they got to Phoenix? No. Why? Because it has nothing to do with the basic storyline. Meyer could have summed this all up in one or two paragraphs but as usual, she goes on, and on, and oh look; I'm bored. Again.
After the long narration of what she doesn't remember, we get the mandatory description of the hotel room. Apparently the hotel room's digital clock is broken because it evidently doesn't have an AM or a PM that pretty much all digital clocks have nowadays so Bella doesn't know if it's night or day. It is night, apparently. More avid description of Bella's daily activities and Alice arrives and they go into a hotel suite. Um...this must be a really fancy I-Ten, because all the cheap hotels like this and the similar ones I've been too do not have hotel suites. It is one bed or two bed rooms, amen.
Anyway, it turns out Carlisle hasn't called yet and Bella immediately goes into emo mode:
My voice had grown higher, a note of hysteria beginning to rise in it. "How
could I live with myself when it's my fault?"
From Twilight, page 410
This is of course, a blatant attempt by Meyer to gain sympathy for her Mary-Sue. Unfortunately, it is one of the most overused ways to gain sympathy for a character so it ends up making me roll my eyes instead. Never mind the fact that once again, Bella has made it all about herself.
Alice and Jasper immediately go to reassure their Sue that she is of course, worth it. Insert overdramatic speech about how much Bella has changed Edward and how grateful they all are (sans Roselie but remember, she's a jealous harpy) and so on and so forth. Yet another overused plot device, this time the overuse is in romance books/movies (I've watched many a Lifetime movie that has spouted this line and those were better written then this crap).
After, we get long narration about them waiting for Carlisle to call. Instead of impatience, this chapter should have been called Waiting, or Boredom. Because that's all that happens here. Anyway, Alice follows Bella into her room and Bella suddenly assumes they are BFFs, and therefore she is perfectly within her rights to ask Alice (who she's just had a conversation with like what, a week ago?) how she became a vampire. Alice worries that Edward will be angry and I have no clue why she should care. Also, Bella does not have a right to know, because again: they barely know each other. But Alice proceeds to tell her. She doesn't remember how she actually became a vampire. Funny how none of them actually remember, yet we get the gist of the story anyway. Personally I think they don't remember because Meyer is too chicken to write about the blood part. But that's just my opinion so don't take it seriously. Wouldn't surprise me if it were true though.
So instead of a dark grim tale, Alice starts off by basically bragging about how super cool awesome vampires are. Then she goes on to say that apparently they all have venom. That doesn't kill, it just incapacitates. Um...I watched a show on Discovery Channel once that mentioned that pretty much all creatures who secrete a sort of venom, have fangs because they need a way to secrete it in the first place. So how exactly do the Cullens have venom when THEY DON'T HAVE FANGS? God, Meyer, do some freaking research especially if you're going to try and use science to explain your crap.
After the bragging, Alice conveniently says she doesn't remember anything about being human. Okay. This is kind of interesting. Way more interesting then Bella and Edward. Were I Meyer I would have done the next book about Alice finding out her history and the consequences that come from that. But know, the series continues to focus on boring Mary Sue and Gary Stu instead. I've said it before and I'll say it again: this series had a lot of potential to be freaking awesome. Unfortunately, the wrong writer got the idea for it and this crap is what we get instead.
Anyway, after we learn basically nothing about Alice and her backstory, she has a vision. The bad guy has apparently come and is in a mirror room....okay. Of course, right after this, Carlisle calls. Bella and Edward speak. James got away. Somehow, he not only knows about Edward's gift, he knew the range of it and how to avoid it. When exactly and how did he find this out, I wonder? But point is, James is now in Phoenix, cue cheesy dialogue between our lovers about staying safe and you've taken my soul away. No seriously, that's in there:
"I miss you," I whispered.
"I know, Bella. Believe me, I know. It's like you've taken half my self
away with you."
From Twilight, page 418
God, and I thought the dialogue in Titanic was cheesy. Anyway, heartfelt conversation ends, Bella is depressed again, and then oh look: Alice can draw! She conveniently has been able to draw the room in her vision and of course, Bella recognizes it. See, our Miss Sue not only can cook well and took music lessons, she took dancing lessons as well (considering this doesn't seem anything she would be remotely interested in, I have no clue why she would) and this room just happens to be the studio she took lessons at. Somehow she has such an amazing memory, she can remember every part of the room and even remembers the school's address! Let me ask you, did any of you even KNOW the address to a place you happened to be taking lessons at? Much less remember it ten years later? No? I thought not.
But Bella of course, says this probably has nothing to do with her. Which is bull because she is a Mary Sue, it is ALL going to have to do with her eventually. Even readers who don't know she's a Mary Sue are going to roll their eyes at this because it obviously has something to do with her. Bella somehow ends up worrying about her mom (still not sure how, but it's nice to see her worry about someone other then herself and the Cullens for a change) and so calls to leave her a long and confusing message. Then she goes to bed and boring chapter finally ends.
WORD LIST: glut, superfluous
BOOK THAT IS BETTER: The Princess Bride by William Goldman
WHY IT IS BETTER: To those who have seen the movie, I probably do not need to explain the awesomeness that is the Princess Bride. This is humorous satire at it's best and is even better then the movie. The movie left a lot of the background stuff out and it didn't have the hysterical narration and funny author notes that the book did.
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