TWILIGHT: Epilogue-An Occasion

CHAPTER/EPILOGUE SUMMARY: Bella and Edward go to a dance and there is no real conclusion because there was no real plot.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So we start by Edward escorting Bella and they're all dressed up and fancy. Gee, I wonder where they're going? ;you can't tell in typing, but that was heavy sarcasm) and Bella is really upset. You see, she hates surprises. Plus, Edward and Alice were super mean to her by giving her a pretty dress and glaming her up. This isn't at all ungrateful and bratty. I may not like dressing up myself, but if someone takes the time to do it for me, I thank them still and show appreciation for their care and consideration. Not Bella, though. This is major offense to our Sue.
If that weren't stupid enough, apparently Tyler has shown up at her house, expecting to take her to prom. Um...NO boy is THAT stupid. By now, it's pretty obvious that she and Edward are a thing. Tyler would have gotten the message and backed off. But no, apparently he's so enamored with our Sue he's putting all guys to shame and Edward takes great glee in embarressing him to death. Yeah, this is great guy.
But Bella isn't worried about poor Tyler's feelings, she's more pissed that her boyfriend has the nerve to take her to the prom. How dare he. What an insensitive jerk. God, Bella, GROW UP. If he wants to take you to the prom, let him. You may not understand it, but part of being a couple is compromise. Do something you don't neccessarily like to make the other happy (don't be a doormat, but on things like this, it's okay to let go a little). So much for that junk about wanting to be equals or whatever.
She is kind of okay when she hears Alice is going to be there, not okay when Roselie is going to be there (see, Roselie still doesn't magically like her like everyone else and Sue doesn't like that she has to make an effort to be friends with her like you know, a NORMAL person). So they get there and everyone is of course, looking at awe at the Cullens. Here is what Roselie and Alice are wearing: a black satin dress with geometric cutouts taht bared large trangles of her snowy white skin. Roselie: a vivid scarlet dress that is backless, tight in her calves where it flared into a wide ruffled train, with a neckline that plunged to her waist.
What the hell? In my school prom, these girls would have been sent home. They do not let teenage girls dress like that and for good reason: they would be called tramps. The only place those would even be deemed appropriate would be the red carpet and probably even there, they would get put on the worst dressed list. Seriously, cutouts? No one makes dresses like that, that fad didn't last long for a reason. Oh wait, no I get it. Meyer is trying once again to drill in our heads that these creatures are beautiful and perfect and worthy of being in the movies. Except that even stars, make style mistakes and these dresses seem ridiculous to wear at a high school prom. Where did they even find dresses like these in Forks? No one sells dresses like these except for in designer stores. So not only is Meyer being illogical again, she apparently does not realize schools have dress codes for proms and that this is actually considered bad fashion. She needs to watch Project Runway and take lessons in fashion from Tim Gunn.
After a lame vampire joke (where I suddenly wonder when Bella gained knowledge of cult vampire movies all of sudden, when earlier she had to do research on vampires) they dance. Some crap about Bella feeling like she's five (what? Why would you feel like you're five when you dance? Especially since she doesn't strike me as the whirl around with her father/mother type) and then Jacob shows up!
He's magically grown half a foot in a few short weeks. No one grows that fast, this is moronic. Edward is jealous of course because she chats with him and he has the nerve to compliment her but not enough. Give me a freaking break. I proms tend to be cheesy but at this point, Meyer is taking the cheese and spreading it so thin that it might as well be melted cheese. I suddenly have a craving for nachos...
So anyway, cheesy crap, I love you Bella, no I love you Edward, kiss, kiss, the end. THANK GOD.
Now I can talk about what I've decided is the major issue with this book: it could have been ten times better.
Really. As crappy as this whole book is, there was serious potential. Unfortunately, that dream went to the wrong author. That's assuming of course, the dream story is even real. I still say that's Meyer making something up to make this seem more interesting, and make it look like it had to be written. But whether it's real or not, I wish this idea had come to a more competant and talented writer.
Think for instance, if Stephan King decided to write about a girl discovering vampires. Edward would have been the ultimate villian. The Cullens would have been actual vampires, there would be a cautionary tale in there somewhere and pshycological stuff induced on Bella and as it's King, it would have been freaking brilliant. It wouldn't be young adult, but that's the whole damn point.
Or if any author had done it, not just King. Hell, I have a better way this could have gone down. Instead of making it all about Bella and Edward, I would have made it about the Cullens. I would have done a whole book on each of them, focusing in on where they come from, and them finding out about it. Bella would have been a tiny subplot in a epic family drama about vampires trying to live amongst humans. There would be major lessons about how vampirism is not a good thing, how immortality is not all it's cracked up to be, things they miss about being human, what happened to people in their past etc. That's just me too, who is not a published author. I'm sure there are other more brilliant (and published) authors who could take the very idea of Twilight and make it ten times more awesome then this. I know a few slash/fanfiction authors who would make this real juicy.
So yeah, that is the real problem with this book for me: the lost potential. This could have been so much more then what we actually got. Instead, what we got was crap and that crap is being hailed as one of the best books of the decade. I weep for the future of young adult fiction, I really do.
Well, on to New Moon, I guess. Who knows, maybe it'll get better? Yeah, I doubt it too, but you never know. A few things will be different with the New Moon readalong. When I do quotes, I'll be saying what chapter it's from instead of pages because from now on my Twilight books are going to be on Kindle. It's cheaper and I don't have to waste shelf space on this crap. I know the Kindle versions aren't the same as the paperback versions so I'm going to just tell you what chapters they are from instead. Second: no more better books every chapter. I will occasionally reccomend a book, but not every chapter this time. Third: different things to keep track of. For instance I think I will keep track of possible edits this time, as well as eye-roll worthy lines. Will still keep track of bad word use as well. So, that will be all that's different. Will still do summary and commentary and so on.

WORD LIST: staggeringly, vicarious

BOOK THAT IS BETTER: Whuthering Heights
WHY IT IS BETTER: For some damn reason, Twilight keeps getting compared to this. I want it to stop. Bella and Edward are in NO WAY like Catherine and Heathcliff. For that to happen, they would have to have character. Also, please note, Whuthering Heights? Depressing as hell and not romantic. It was about a relationship, yes. A nonhealthy relationship...okay, maybe in that aspect Bella and Edward are like Catherine and Heathcliff. But Twihards/Meyer keep going on about the "great romance" and that this is why it's similar. Yeah. The most romantic part in this story is when Catherine DIES. Most of it, is about Heathcliff taking revenge and with notes on class division and whatnot. It is not "romantic" it is heavy and dark drama and Twilight WISHES it were Wuthering Heights. Look, don't take my word for it. Read it yourself and you too will wonder "why the hell are these two books even being compared?"